Pee in the pool and nobody bats an eye. Do it from the diving board and everyone loses their minds

Ok, so it’s a wee joke with a wee bit of humor!

An old couple celebrate their 50th anniversary at a restaurant that they used to regularly go on dates to.

It was a particularly fancy establishment and a few drinks into their visit, the elderly husband stood from his seat, looks around and asks his wife, “Do you think we should go behind this place and relive our first time here, like against the fences?”

With a smile and a nod, the wife agrees and they venture outside and into the alley around the restaurant.

Not long afterward, a bike patrol cop rolls past the alleyway and hears the most intense love-making session known to man, the couples’ shouts echoing into the street.

He flashed his headlights onto the couple just after they had finished and with a puzzled look, he asked “What are you two doing? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a couple go at it with such passion and intensity in all my years.”

The old man, pulling his pants up and buckling his belt, replied, “Yeah, well fifty years ago this place didn’t have electrified fences here.”

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The Thermos is the most intelligent thing in the world. It knows how to keep hot things hot and cold things cold.

The thermos.

A guy (MAN A) walks into a diner, sits down, and pulls a thermos from his backpack. Across the room, a man at the counter, (MAN B) noticed the man.

MAN B: “Hey you! What you got there?”
MAN A: “It’s called a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot, and cold stuff cold!”
MAN B: “Wow! I gotta get me one of those!!!”

The next day, the same to men, (A and B) walk into the same diner.
MAN B: “Hey look! I picked me up one of those thermos things!”
MAN A: “Great! What did you bring for lunch?”
MAN B: “2 hotdogs and a popsicle for dessert!”

Is Anyone Writing Documentation Anymore?

So the last exercise I had done before Hurricane Irma hit was to take a computer and completely install a new operating system onto it.

I will be doing that again today, from my own instructions.

 

Sure, it’s a bit esoteric, some people are good at reading between the lines.

 

The problem with that is that you end up spinning your wheels and finding that something you assumed, you assumed wrong.

 

For the record, when I write documentation, I write it as I do it. That way I know it actually works.

 

It may have taken 26 steps once you had all the pieces, but if you had my hardware and the right software, you’d have a nice happy laptop running Debian. Thinkpad Laptop, X201 or fairly similar, although the version of Debian I used (Non-Free) was fairly liberal with getting what you need for many more laptops. Evil Wifi Drivers not withstanding.

 

The next step was to find documentation to install a web server.

 

The trick with installing complex software these days is that you basically have to find the right documentation. Or to be more precise, the correct documentation. Documentation that is complete and actually will work.

 

Oh and of course you personally have to read and understand what you are reading. No distractions allowed.

 

However, it is rare that you will find exactly the right documentation to do what you want. Often software is updated and that documentation you used two years ago to do that exact thing no longer works.

 

Highly common in the open source world, some very minor tweak will change where the files are and you are back online doing a search for what you were looking for.

 

In the consumer software world, you have a similar situation where the documentation was only partially updated since it was originally released. Think Windows XP vs Windows 8.1 vs Window 10. Things just moved around drastically within Windows itself let alone functionality.

 

I got “caught short” with trying to install a web server. Did it before. No problem. Since it is an open source project, you get what you pay for sometimes. Following the wrong guide I got the entire web server working. I just don’t have any passwords for anything.

 

As they say on a football field: Drop Back 5 and Kick.

 

That would be American Football. I never played Soccer, at least not for any length of time. All that running around annoyed me.

 

So at some point I’ll re-attempt that mess. FInd another tutorial that promises to install the LAMP stack and write down what I did.

Or I will find that one bug and fix it all. My choice, after all.

 

That is why I keep this blog. Many times I need to do something more than once. Create a Linux Web Server, save it off, then reproduce the results on a different computer a year later.

 

So when I post a long diatribe on how to do this and the other thing, I’m doing it for Future Me. So I don’t end up banging my head on a wall.

 

Like Today. I got it wrong. Happens. Time to start over.

 

For now, I’ll just go look for the football. Maybe the dog will chase it around the yard. Blow off some steam. Finish my Spanish for the day.

Try, Try again.

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.

Three men were driving through a desert while on vacation when all of a sudden the car breaks down.
The three men get out to see what the problem is only to find out the engine block cracked so they agree that they have to go find help and to meet back at the car by nightfall.

They all go to the trunk of the car to see if they have any provisions for their walk and find a jug of water and a loaf of bread.

The first man quickly grabs the jug of water explaining to the other two that if he gets hot he’ll just drink some water and keep walking until he finds help and starts to go on his way.

The second man grabs the bread and explains to his friend that if he gets hungry on his journey that he’ll just eat some bread and keep walking until he finds help and leaves going a different direction.

The third man is left alone and realizes he has nothing to help him survive the desert so he unbolts the car door and starts walking into the desert in a different direction from the first two.

A hour or so later a desert soldier who was on patrol noticed the first man and asked him if he was ok.

The first man explained his situation and assured the soldier that he was ok because if he got hot he could just drink his water.
The soldier pointed in a direction and told him to head to his headquarters for help while he searched for the mans friends and headed out again.

A couple of hours later he found the second man still searching for help.
The soldier asked him if he was ok and the second man told him he was because he had his bread to eat whenever he got hungry.
The soldier explained that he found the first man and to start heading toward the car as help would soon arrive and headed out again to try and find the third man.

The soldier found the third man in no time but was confused as to why he was carrying the car door.

When the soldier asked the man why he casually explained that it gets really hot in the desert and if he gets too hot he can just roll down the window to cool off.

 

Girl are you a newspaper? Cause you’ve got a new issue everyday.

Since the storm has passed and people are running around cleaning up, how about a little toilet humor.

Just a little.  Suitable for all audiences, of course.

 

Bobby has to use the restroom.

Realizing that he has to, very badly, he raises his hand.

“Teacher, can I use the restroom?”

His teacher looked up from her desk, where she was going through the lesson plans for the day. “If you can say the alphabet correctly, then you may.” she replied.

Bobby shook his head. “But I have to go, really bad!” he said.

His teacher was adamant. “Not until you recite your alphabet.”

Bobby looked desperate. “A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.”

His teacher shook her head. “Bobby, you forgot P.”

“No, I didn’t.” Bobby sighed. “It’s running down my leg.”

Hurricane Irma, The Wait For Power

Really.   If I can sit here on a Wednesday Morning and bust out some blather about the electricity being out and that’s about it, then I will survive.

The one story that keeps coming through my mind is a woman on Barbuda in the Caribbean.  She was one of 1600 people there.  She was watching a baby and a tornado hit her home.  The baby was sucked out of her arms.  Baby found dead later when the storm passed.

Really.  So, count your blessings.  If you are reading me, you are better off.

We are without power.  The gasoline supplies are very low, we’re waiting on the coast guard to allow tankers into Port Everglades to refill.  I guess we join a long line to fill gas cans like many others.

But we’re intact here.

I caught news that the west side of the state, Naples, Fort Myers, and the like got slammed by this horrible storm.  Here, not so much.  We didn’t have a predicted 9 feet of water in a storm surge come in.  We did have white-out conditions with rain so strong that I couldn’t see the wall of a building 250 feet away briefly.

The eye of the storm crossed Cudjoe Key.  Call it MM 52 – 52 miles East of Key West.  As well as they prepared, anything not nailed down is now not in the house.  Those folks will need help getting onto their feet.

So I’ll return to putting the plants back out and scooping my neighbor’s tree leaves out of the pool.  Not unscathed, just a bit muddy.  Not really even worth taking pictures of it.

A cycle of running the generator an hour, then waiting three hours to run again.  It keeps the bags of ice in the freezer frozen and the refrigerator cool.

Much better off than many.

Yes.  This is global warming.  Anyone that tells you otherwise is a fool and should be returned to their medications.  Anyone who makes laws or votes to the contrary is a damn fool and probably should not be allowed to effect other’s lives.

But after all is said and done.  A few observations.

Gasoline.  I suspect the state has been pretty much drained of this stuff.  We’re ok for four days now, after having gotten some.  I’m sure many won’t be as lucky.  Some of the lines were blocks long.  Police were thankfully directing people around.

And Gasoline is beginning to flow in which is a major plus.  It will take a while before we start to see supplies even out in South Florida.  There was a report that in Tampa, simply forget it.  Again, Thankful but that could be “helped”.

Traffic.  We drove down to Davie about 10 miles off.  I have to say the roads work better with fewer lights.  I’ve heard a saying that “Every Traffic Light Means Someone Died Here” but I have to question if streets aren’t just badly designed and enforcement of traffic laws are simply not stringent enough.  If you follow the rules, you’ll have a better time of it.  If you drive a car like an idiot, you’ll wreck it for everyone else.

A Traffic Light that is out is considered a Four Way Stop by the universal vehicle code.  Yes, Even For you.

We did make it to Wawa in Davie.  The line was untenable.  Close to 100 cars waiting for fuel.  Might need to get up in the middle of the night to attempt it next time.

Count your blessings.  If you can read this, you’re better off than many others.  Now, go talk to your neighbor.  They just may need something.   Mine just put out another bucket of Avocados.  There are plenty left, go and enjoy.

If I could just figure out how to eat the darn things other than sliced on a bagel!  I am thankful even for avocados, weird though they are!

 

Hurricane Irma, Slogging Through Saturday Into Sunday

But hey, I still have power…

At least through Sunday Morning, I have.

It wasn’t until 4PM here that I saw the first rain that left enough water on the ground to sheen the streets.

The county declared a curfew from 4PM through.  I’m guessing the duration.  I don’t know when that is.

The only thing that has bothered me is a few power pops here and there.  When power does go out, we’re sunk.  I can’t say that they’ll be by to reconnect us at that point, because there is some wind speed that they stop work at.

I seem to remember 35mph.  We are over that now.  44 was the last check, although it’s been gusting faster.

Then you’re on your own, cowboy.

Net’s up.  Power’s up.  Water’s flowing.

This isn’t a whole lot to deal with compared with Antigua, Puerto Rico, the DR, Haiti, and Cuba.

Now the Florida Keys.

It could be worse, I could be in the Keys.  The Eye of the Storm right now is crossing into the lower keys, and they’re still predicting that trip through Key West and up the west coast of Florida.  My heart goes out to them since I can’t say I would want up to 9 feet of salt water piling up on my house.  That’s going as high as 270 CM.

This map is of the expected storm surge.  Those pink areas are where the 9 feet of salt water comment comes from.  Naples, Marco Island, north up the coast.

I grabbed that map from the NWS Miami Twitter Feed.

I stocked up on rechargeable batteries a while back.

I’ve also been harvesting old laptop battery packs.

Why laptop batteries?  Each one is a larger and longer cell configuration so they will not fit inside of a standard radio or flashlight.  They also put out more voltage at 3.7 VDC compared with 1.5 VDC for a D, C, or AA Cell.

But.

Each one puts out between 2 and 4 amps.  Connect four together and you get 14.4 VDC.  Run them through a voltage regulator like that cigar lighter thing to charge your phone in the car and you now can recharge your phone a couple times.

So those 18650 batteries will charge my flashlights for months.  Battery operated fans for weeks.  Radios will play.

The air conditioning may not work due to power outage, but I will be able to listen to crappy music.

If you want radar?  Follow this link.  Remember that the highest point in the Keys is on Key West at 18 feet.  The map showing those islands should be considered a suggestion since most of them will be overwashed by storm surge.

That “9 feet” again.

But so far, for me, I’m lucky.  Not even anything worth taking a picture of here in Wilton Manors, and I thank my lucky stars for that.