They are lovely, Romanesque statues, and mostly nude. One male, with a spear and shield, and one female, scantily draped in a robe, holding a jug of water. They face each other day in and day out. They are everything to one another.
One day, the Statue Fairy comes to visit them (fairies are real, as you should know) and decrees that they have been very good statues, on the official Fairies’ Scale of Statue Goodness (ratings from 1 to Excellent) and have earned, between the two of them, one wish.
Of course the statues wish to be animated (but only for about an hour, since they do love being statues so much), and so the Statue Fairy grants their wish and flies back to Heaven where the Fairies live.
Instantly the guy statue grabs the girl statue and they go running off into the brush. The bushes start shaking… Twigs are snapping… Small animals go running… There is grunting, moaning, panting –
And the two come walking out of the undergrowth, hand in hand, sweat pouring down their faces.
“That was wonderful,” the man exclaims.
“Yes,” says the woman, “but it only took two minutes. What are we going to do for the other fifty-eight?”
“Let’s do it again,” the man shouts with glee.
“Okay,” says the woman, “but this time you hold the pigeon, and I get to crap on its head.”