A Man Goes Out To Play Golf

…while his wife waits at home. He promises to be back by five.

Five’o’clock comes and goes and the husband hasn’t come back yet. Gradually, the hours tick by and no sign of the husband. The wife is about to go looking for him when the front door opens and the husband shuffles in.

The wife is worried sick.

“Where have you been? You said you’d be home by five, it’s now eight’o’clock!”

The husband replies with, “I’m sorry I’m late, but my friend Harry had a heart attack today in the middle of golf.”

The wife is shocked.

“Oh dear! That’s awful!”

“I know! All day long it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry…”

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Five Jokes About Boiling Water

  1. Perhaps I shouldn’t joke on here about boiling water, it might be too steamy.
  2. RIP Boiling Water. You will be mist.
  3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
  4. What do you get when your pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies
  5. One cannibal says to the other cannibal “hey I ate a missionary the other day and he gave me an upset stomach.” The second cannibal says “That’s too bad. How’d you cook him?” The first cannibal says “Oh, I threw him in the giant pot of boiling water like always.” The second cannibal says “Makes sense. And what did he look like?” The first cannibal says “The usual. Brown robe, rope belt, sandals.” And the second cannibal says “Well there’s your problem. You boiled him, and he was a friar.”
  6. Bonus Related Joke: How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

The Netbook Server – How to Actually Share Part Of The Hard Drive

First, you installed Linux to a RaspberryPi or a Netbook, or whatever you had on hand.

Second, you made it so you could look into that machine from anywhere on your network.

If all you wanted was a taste of how to run Linux and have fun with all those free goodies there, you could have stopped.  Now I’m going to show you how to take a part of the hard drive (a folder) and share it out to the network.

Why?

So you can copy your pictures/recipes/important crap somewhere else.

So you can back up your computer across the network.

So you can brag to the co-workers that you have a proper Linux Home Server and sound like you know what you’re doing.

Well the deal is that it took me a half hour to do this last night.  I was distracted by what was on the TV so it would have taken less time.

I did this on a RaspberryPi first.

 

Since my instructions were written there I then repeated the steps on my Netbook running Debian, so the instructions work.  It also works on anything derived from Debian Linux, so that if you have found this article using Linux Mint, Ubuntu, or any of the other derivatives from the Debian Family, you SHOULD be able to get this working with very little fuss.

If you are familiar with Linux and the way things work, you’re used to finding instructions that promise to do something, get totally frustrated that the instructions are geeked out, and then realize that while it’s working you don’t actually understand WHY things are done this way.

I’m going to attempt to do it differently.  This way when I have to look at it later, I can look at my own B.S. here and say “Oh yeah, I remember this”.

The information you need:

1) Your sign on name – this will be written assuming you are “bill”.  Just change that to your own name from when you created the machine.

2) Your “root” and regular user (bill) Passwords.  

3) The name you gave the computer when you installed Linux.  It could be pi or rudolph or any other name you came up with.  

I will make assumptions and try to explain it all away.  Don’t worry, I followed these same steps last night and the server now “serves” files out to the network.  As long as your network has a firewall, your stuff is safe.

Get the machine “up to date”:

  1. Start your Terminal from the start menu.
  2. su and hit enter – Get “root” by giving it the root password.
  3. apt-get update – pull down all the headers of new stuff since the last time you got on the machine
  4. apt-get upgrade  – actually get all the upgraded software

Answer yes or Y to the prompt asking if you really want to update things, go make yourself something from the kitchen and come back in a bit.  It may take time.  There are always updates.  But if you never make changes to your “Repositories” on Debian or Raspbian, you are safe and free from any nasty viruses.

 

 

Get the Server Software Installed:

You’ll be shocked how little has to be done here.   The server software is called SAMBA.  You know, like the great music from Brazil?   The current name has been made less fun – CIFS.  People tend to say it as “Siffs”.

Geeks.

One line gets the software.  In terminal from the last part, as root enter the next line:

apt-get install samba samba-common-bin

Configure the Server Software:

You have to roll up your sleeves here.  You are actually going to change a text file, but I’m going to give you the information.  Remember – I am entering it as “bill”.  If you are on RaspberryPi, your regular user will most likely be “pi”.    Change “bill” to what you need it to be.

 

Second, a comment starts with a hash tag.  #

 

1) In terminal where you are signed on as “root”, enter the following line to get into the “Nano” editor:

 

nano /etc/samba/smb.conf  

2) Find the line with “wins support” and change the line to read:

wins support = yes

3) Find “Share Definitions”.  You are going to enter in a block of text.  Remember to change the path from “bill” to match your login name.

 

[Downloads]
comment = Downloads Directory
path = /home/bill/Downloads
browseable = no

    writeable = yes
only guest = no
create mask = 0770
directory mask = 0770
public = no

 

#browseable limits logins to only see this directory and what is created there.  “yes” shares everything.

 

4) ctrl+x to exit, type y to save the file, then enter to get yourself back out to the root terminal prompt.

5) add a Samba user to be able to share that directory.  In terminal enter the following:

smbpasswd -a bill

Enter in a password, then enter it in again.  This is the password you will need to have to be able to get at the files from out on the network on another machine.  You will log in as (bill) and (password) from that other machine when you try to get there using File Manager.  Same thing with Mac or Linux.  They all need that password.

Write down your password.  I recommend using the same as your regular user password.  If you made them all the same as the Root password, well that may be easier.  You can also leave it blank, but I do not recommend that.  In fact, forget I mentioned it (or not…).

6) restart the computer


At this point, the netbook server is now visible on the network.  It is sharing the default login’s “Downloads” directory.

If you go into File Manager in Windows, you will be able to get to the files that are stored in the netbook’s /home/bill/Downloads directory from any other machine on the network as long as you know the default user’s login.  It will ask you for user and password.

If you have followed this, you can use the computer’s name from when you created it.  I now have two servers “rudolph” for the netbook and the raspberryPi.  If computer names aren’t your thing, you can also find them via IP addresses.

But at this point you have a functioning File Server.

You’re done.  Next time it’s getting this machine to serve out files from an external drive that you plugged in.

Bob Gets A Job

A rather dimwitted fellow named bob miraculously lands a job at a donut shop next to his house.

His first day on the job, a customer enters and asks “How much are these donuts?”

Bob replies “I don’t know.” Fortunately, the manager comes in and begins feeding Bob his lines, telling Bob to say “Only one dollar.” And Bob thusly tells the customer.

The customer then asks “Are these donuts fresh?” To which Bob replies “I don’t know.” His manager then instructs Bob to say “Yes, very fresh.”

Finally the customer asks “May I buy these donuts?” Bob answers, “I don’t know.” And the manager tells him to say “You better before anyone else does.” Bob replies and makes his first sale.

Several weeks go by, and suddenly a robber enters the store, shouting “GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY,”

Bob says “Only one dollar.”

The robber inquires “Are you being fresh with me?”

Bob remarks “Yes, very fresh.”

The robber then howls “I will shoot you if you don’t listen to me!!”

Bob says “You better before anyone else does!”

Poor Little Rabbit

Personally, I’m not sure why it is a Vegan and an Escalade, but hey you get what you pay for!

 

 

A vegan is driving his Escalade down the highway and as he turns a corner he spots a rabbit run out in front of him. He locks up the brakes and skids side to side, desperately tries to not run over the rabbit. The rabbit takes a couple hops to the left and SPLAT! The front right tire flattens the bunny.

Moments later the vegan is sitting on the side of the road, hands in his face, tears pouring down his cheeks over committing murder. He sees another car approach and stop near him. A salesman type gets out of his Buick and rushes up to the scene of the accident. “What happened!”

“It was horrible! I was driving along…I tried to stop…but I killed this poor, defenseless bunny! I don’t know what to do! I can’t call the police! I have no cell service!”

The salesman looks at the flat rabbit, then looks at the crying vegan, looks back to the rabbit again, thinks for a moment then smiles “Don’t worry buddy. I got just the thing!”

The salesman runs to the trunk of his car and digs around for five minutes. He pulls out an aerosol can and races back to the vegan who is now standing over the rabbit.

The salesman sprays the rabbit and amazingly, it suddenly twitches. He sprays again and the rabbit flips over once and lays still. He sprays it for a good minute and suddenly the rabbit springs to life! It shakes it’s head, smiles at the two standing there, gives a little wave and proceeds to hop down the highway. After about twenty feet, the rabbit stops, turns and waves at them again then continues on his way. The rabbit stops once again, turns and waves at the two and continues once again down the highway.

The salesman and vegan watch the bunny hop away into the sunset as it stops every so often and wave back at them.

When the rabbit is finally out of sight the vegan turns to the salesman “That was beautiful and amazing! What is in that can? You should make millions selling it! What is it?”

The salesman holds the can up with a smile “Hair restorer with a permanent wave”

The Netbook Server – You Need to be Able To Look In Remotely With XRDP

Blogs have many purposes.  One that is not often stated is that it serves as a place to put things that the writers feel they need to remember.  I have a habit of creating Linux computers for my own personal desktop use or as a server from time to time.  It isn’t often enough for me to memorize everything, and you do forget things.

So to make it easier, I’m going to do this in a couple of steps.  Last time I wrote, I talked long and hard about setting up either a RaspberryPi or a Netbook as a server.  The reality is that these instructions work with pretty much anything that takes a version of Debian as the operating system.  Since Debian has been copied and serves as one of the main “seeds” of the trees of distributions, the instructions can be used elsewhere.

If you followed those instructions, at this point you now have a computer that has Debian.  It’s time to get it Up To Date, and set up so that it can be seen from other computers on your network.  The reality is that this is pretty simple and if I cut out the editorializing, it could be written in about three well crafted paragraphs.

Most Linux distributions take a “You’re the boss” attitude.  If you break it, you can fix it, but it will allow you to break it if you know the right commands.  Most also take the attitude that it will only install what you need to be a “role” of a desktop/laptop or a server.  Debian Linux is an excellent desktop or laptop for general home or office uses.  I use it for 95% of my own computing needs, but there are some things that need to be added.

—-

Firstly, start the computer, and log in.

Second, get your terminal started up.  Terminal will look like the old style DOS computers.  It’s a command line interface – you type stuff in.  Not to worry, all the commands I type in can be copied from this blog article and pasted directly into your terminal session.

Third, you have to be “Root”.  Root is the administrator of the computer.  When you created your computer you gave it two passwords.  They may be the same one, but the one that you need is your root password.  In Terminal type in: su .  Enter in your root password.

The result is that everything that you do in the terminal window has full control over your computer.  It will allow you to completely remove everything, so be careful.  It is after all, at your own risk.

Fourth – get the computer up to date.  In terminal you need to enter in three commands, one after another.  Each time, if there are changes, it will ask you to enter a “y” or “n” depending if you want to continue.  If you simply hit enter under Debian 8, it will assume you want to continue.

  • apt-get update
  • apt-get upgrade
  • apt-get dist-upgrade

What that says is update the list of programs that you know about.  Then find out if there are any upgrades and give you the option to upgrade or not.  Then if there is a distribution upgrade, give you the option to upgrade or not.  Distribution upgrades are rare.  Sometimes there are updates that require you to enter in some information.  In this case, you will need to consult the internet for what is going on.  Mine was asking for a “Root Certificate” update and put up a list of changes. I read it, typed q to quit, and it went back to installing “stuff”.  Major changes could be much more involved.

Depending on what is installed, you may want to restart your computer.  Linux does not require this, but sometimes you should.  It’s up to you, I did, and all that took me a good half hour to get to this point.  Get something to drink and settle in.  When you get back, get yourself back to a terminal and log in as root.

I’ll wait.

Next step.  Remote Desktop.  Why you need this is that if you get this beast up and running you may decide to put it in a closet somewhere.  Inconvenient.  You might want to do work on it directly.  So why not be able to start a window up and actually look at the desktop.  Windows has the software available to look at it installed on the newer versions – RDP.

It also makes it easier for me to sit at one computer and work on two at the same time.  Keyboard in lap is easier than two keyboards on a desk.  I can relax!

To install type:  apt-get install xrdp

To get it to work, you simply open up a remote desktop client to the computer name and you will get a windowed representation of the other computer.   This can be adjusted to size in the configuration files.  Without any tweaks, it worked on my Linux machine using Remmina.

What it is actually doing is getting you to log into another session on the remote Linux machine.  If this were windows, it would take over the existing session.  Linux gives you the option to do it that way as well, but you would need to reconfigure it.

It is a little odd to see the default behavior.  I had the computer up under remote desktop, and it was sitting on my desk near me.  Screensaver came on on the table, but not on the remote desktop.  Then when remote desktop went to screensaver, it was different from the table.  Shows that you’re under a completely different session by the default behavior.

 

To actually use the machine remotely:
You need to know what IP Address the remote computer is “at”.   Most times the machine name you gave it when you installed the operating system will be visible to the world.  I find that usually shows up when the network is set up with sharing via something called Samba.  Installing Samba can be an annoying process.

ifconfig –  the old school way of doing things.

open that terminal prompt on the computer and log in with su as root.  Once there, type in ifconfig.  You will get a bunch of text.  If the computer is connected with an “ethernet” wire to the network, you need to look at the “eth0” otherwise, “wlan0” is most likely how you are connected with Wifi.

The line you are looking for will be the second one in the group for wlan0 or eth0.  Look for “inet addr:” and you will find your internet address.   In the case of the picture below, I am on wlan0 (wifi), and my internet address is 192.168.1.208 .

Open your remote desktop program.  You may have to actually install one in windows.  Since I use mine so heavily I might have done that literally years ago.  Mine was found by clicking:

 

  • start
  • all programs
  • windows accessories
  • remote desktop connection

For me to connect to my server, I enter the IP address 192.168.1.206 in the computer box, then click connect.

There you will have to enter in the log in information to log into xrdp.

  • sesman-Xvnc
  • your login will be your username on the computer
  • your password for the computer

Hopefully you will get there and you will see a desktop – here’s mine!

The World’s Leading Expert on European Wasps Walks Into A Record Shop

Record shops?  Remember those?  Has to be an old joke…

 

…and asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly.” replies the assistant.“Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

“That would be wonderful.” says the expert and puts on a pair of headphones.

He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant “I’m terribly sorry but I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don’t recognise any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologies and lifts the needle onto the next track.

Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant “No, this just can’t be right! I’ve been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don’t recognize any of these sounds.”

The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track.

The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage. “This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!”

The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.

“What seems to be the problem, sir?”

“This is an outrage! I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!”

The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.

“I’m terrible sorry, sir. It appears we’ve been playing you the bee side.”