Two Robins Were Sitting In A Tree

“I’m really hungry,” said the first one. “Let’s fly down and find some lunch.”

They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more.

“I’m so full, I don’t think I can fly back up into the tree,” said the first one.

“Let’s just lay back here and bask in the warm sun,” said the second.

“O K,” said the first.

So they plopped down, basking in the sun.

No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat up and gobbled them up.

As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, “I FREAKIN’ LOVE BASKIN ROBINS.”

Bread Dough in Five Minutes In A Plastic Bag

I guess the title says it all, if you’re looking for the short description.

There’s always a back story with me so hold on for the ride.

I wanted a Pizza, but really this can be used to make most basic breads.  I did not want to fuss around with a “full batch” of dough and make a cookie sheet full of rolls and … well you get the picture.

I will say that this will scale up to a larger batch and should be limited by how strong your own hands are.  You see, it’s all about your grip strength.  If you’ve got arthritis or some other limitation, use the machine.

On the other hand, this dough flew together so fast that it’s a great way to make fresh dough for small batches like one pizza dough ball or a couple of rolls.

Basically, I have a “Standard Recipe” for bread.  It’s “Pat’s Pizza Dough” recipe.   It makes 10 sandwich rolls, or about 8 torpedo rolls.  It also will make three pizza dough balls.  The original recipe is at the link – or you can even see my original note written 20 years ago in the picture.

The idea was cut the recipe down to one third of normal, then make it in a bag.

I added to a clean and food safe plastic bag the following ingredients.

  • 3 ounces of water
  • 2 teaspoons of oil
  • 1 cup of bread flour
  • 1 teaspoon of bread yeast
  • 1/3 teaspoon of salt (I used a well rounded 1/4 teaspoon)
  • 1/3 teaspoon of sugar (I used a well rounded 1/4 teaspoon)

The process was simple.

 

  • Squeeze most of the air out of the bag and wind the top up to close it.
  • Grip the mix at the bottom of the bag and squeeze it repeatedly.
  • The mix will eventually form a dough ball through repeated kneading.

 

You may have to adjust the water content to fit your needs.  Bread dough is effected by the weather and conditions in your house and kitchen just as you would expect.  Wet climate will make stickier dough, dry climate you may need to add more water.

For Pizza Dough, you need a dough ball that is more dry than tacky or sticky.  Similar to Play-doh or similar modeling clay compound.

For Bread Dough, you need a dough ball that will be a bit tacky and it may want to stick gently to your hands or the side of the bag – but you will be able to remove it from the bag.

Basically that’s about it.  I’ll use this again because it’s saving me a lot of time in preparation and clean up work.

But… it took me just five minutes to get this dough done.  Add to it rolling time and rising time as normal.

Stranger at the Door

A man and his wife are awakened, at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3 o’clock in the morning! He slams the door and returns to bed.

Who was that?” asked his wife. Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers. Did you help him? She asks. No, I did not, it is 3 o’clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?” “Yes” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?”, calls out the husband. “Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing!”, replies the drunk.

More Short Groaners? Don’t Mind If I Do!

More short groaners?  Don’t mind if I do!

Give a man a plane ticket…
Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

I recently quit my job at a wind farm…
It turns out i’m not a big fan

Life is like a sewer…
you get out of it what you put into it.

Newton’s third law of Emotion.
For every male action, there is a female overreaction.

Did you know 2 x 10 is the same as 2 x 11?
One is twenty, and the other is twenty too!

A Christian goes on a diet

A very religious Christian, weighing 300 pounds decides to start seeing a dietitian. Impressively within 6 months he has lost 130 pounds, every month he comes for his check in he looks happier and healthier.

Until the 7th month, he came in looking quite troubled.
“What’s wrong?” asked the dietition.

He begins to explain nervously “Well you see this past month at every weigh in I have weighed 166.6 lbs and I am worried that it’s a sign.”
The dietitian nods in agreement “I would have to agree with you, it most definitly is.”

The man looks panicked now and his voice trembles as he asks, “Really, well what do you think it means?”
“Well, in my professional opinion, I think it means you’ve been eating McDonald’s again.”

I would send a joke but my autobiography hasn’t come out yet

Why did the snail cross the road?
Shell if I know!

When I die I want everyone..
….. come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back and not say a word, so everyone will think I lived a cool double life.

Where did Noah keep his bees?
In the ark-hives.

Winter in Florida and The Dogs Are Prepared

It was scheduled last week on Friday.

I hear we may be getting more this week.

By “Winter” I mean temperatures in the 50s.

That would be a low of between 10 and 15C for my international readers.

If you live in South Florida, have a pool, have social and intelligent dogs that follow you around every day, watch your Iced Tea.

This was an older picture.  That’s Lettie who passed a couple years back.  I was going through my pictures and she popped out at me.  It’s pretty much what I go through though.

You see that small area is a spa, or hot tub, and we rarely use it.  The heater takes hours to get it to a nice comfy 104F/40C and we settle for 95F/35C.  That last 5C is a killer.

I’ve sat in that spa at oddball times of the day and night.  Days are better since you can see the mosquitoes to swat at them.  Night is more comfortable since the air is cooler, and that is of course quite relative.

Lately thought it is just something for my dog, Rack, the McNab SuperDog (TM) to leap over when he’s

excitedly running circles around the yard and the pool and out to the portal in the front gate to see who is there.

Portals help.  It entertains the dog.  Entertained dogs are good dogs.  Herding dogs need to be mentally stimulated just like they need to be able to run off some of that energy from time to time.

Lettie used to have a portal that I created in the Laundry Room door.  It was completely frosted glass panes and Jalousie windows, since replaced.  I removed two of the slats at the bottom and replaced them with clear panes so she could go out there and watch the world.

Trust me she did.

She’s gone, the door was replaced with fully frosted impact glass, and Rack has the front door to look out of anyway.

Things certainly change in five years.  The weather is about to change.  And for now, Rack’s happy to watch out the front door.   He watches for his favorite people, and whines quietly as they walk past.  He also gets all bent out of shape when any sort of delivery comes through.  I think that is a requirement of Dog.  When Dog is selected and the soul inhabits the creature, there is a little subroutine written.  Delivery Truck requires Alert.  Luckily, Herding Dogs are easy to train and a simple “Go Look!” works.

No, nobody is out there, is there?

But that would be a story for a different day wouldn’t it?

Happy New Year From Ramblingmoose – or When Life Hands You Lemons, You Write About Them

So, Happy New Year, Folks!

I figured I would get that out of the way before I go all “WAAAAH!” on you.

See, it is New Years Day, and I shot myself in the foot.

Actually I did that a couple days ago, when I had to put together a graphic.  I guess that was on last Wednesday.

But I’ll have plenty of time, Right?

Not apparently.

When I went onto the Windows computer to use photoshop and write a blog article, I started it and heard a “SNAP!” then the computer locked up.

Then it turned itself off.  Joy and Happiness!  Lets try that again!

After three tries, I decided to shift some hardware around.  I have another computer that is almost the same hardware, despite being a different manufacturer (Lenovo vs a Dell).  Down to the processor and video card, simply different vendors.

Bright idea!  Lets swap hard drives and see what happened.

Success.  The Lenovo, now with windows, worked.

Success again!  The Dell, now with a copy of Debian Linux, worked.

I’d have time to figure all this out.

Not quite and I had other things to distract me.  BRIGHT SHINY OBJECT!  YAY!

That next day or so, I set to clone the Windows drive to another hard drive.  It is still running a couple days later.

That “took” my Windows computer out of service along with my copy of photoshop.  Once it is finished backing up, I’ll have my original computer back with a test version of Windows.   I say test because the data will be incomplete on the data partition.

Then time got to today.  Up at 4:15am so I’d have plenty of time, right?

Not so fast.  I got through the normal nonsense and decided that New Year, New Pizza.

I forgot that a Pizza from scratch will take between 2 and 3 hours depending if the dough is dry enough.

It wasn’t so it was more like 3 hours.

Cooked great with a nice crispy bottom, but while I was preparing the meal, I was also trying to throw together a graphic for this post.  Should have done that a week ago when the Lenovo came up under Windows.

Blah.  I Hate Windows.

See one of the nice things about running Linux as your main (everything but photoshop) computer is that you have a LOT free software.  The library of software that is out there and the quality of software is frankly, overwhelming.

So I basically went to an old school command line, Remember those?  C Prompts? and typed in “apt-get install inkscape”.

Inkscape is the program I originally used to manipulate pictures for the blog back in 2009.  Back then I could put text on the screen and bend it.  I wanted to take Rack’s picture and put a donut around his face with text.

Can’t blame Inkscape for that.  It installed in under a minute and looked like I remembered but I forgot how to use the software.

Ok, too much too quickly, and I gave up.  I finished with the really basic picture you see at the top.

So that’s my big “Waah!” story for New Years.

If you will excuse me, the timer just went off and I have some torpedo rolls to bake in the oven.

Fresh bread is great isn’t it?

I’ll get back to that graphic.  There’s plenty of time, right?