I Fell asleep at a house party last night and someone stuck a Teabag in my mouth!
I went totally Mental!
I mean, No one treats me like a mug!
A recent study has found out that women who carry a wee bit of extra weight live longer …than the men who mention it.
What do you call a bear without teeth?
A gummy bear!
When in doubt…
Wife : I doubt my husband has been cheating on me…. I have doubt on one woman we both know…. What to do?
Shrink: Take your husband to that woman’s doorstep and see if his wi-fi connects automatically.
The definition of a Freudian Slip is:
It’s when you say one thing you but you mean your mother.
Apple has just turned to making Medical Accessories.
Their first product is the Ipatch.
I have a girlfriend but …
“She’s in another nation”
What kind of pants does a scientist wear?
A pair of genes.
Yes, I have lost to my computer at chess…
But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing!
Why do people never eat clocks?
Because it’s really time consuming.