Thirteen Bad Jokes – and Maybe A Good One Too

Bunch of scumbags stole 20 crates of Red Bull from my local store…
I don’t know how those bastards sleep at night..

I called the police to report my toilet had been stolen
they said I had nothing to go on

Why does everyone stay away from 288?
It’s just two gross

My friend threw a can of coke at my head today…
Luckily it was a soft drink.

Imagine if it had been a hard liquor
Liquor? I barely know ‘er!
Jokes on him. I like Pepsi

What do you call the teachings of a duck?
A ducktrine

I was told I was a schizophrenic…
Me and the voices in my head disagreed.

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Control freak.
Contr-
YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SAY “CONTROL FREAK WHO”!!

Have you seen the documentary on camouflage?
Nope, I can’t seem to find it.

Sir John and Chung Lee walking in front of the Buckingham palace
Chung Lee says: “When I see all these flags, my heart fills with joy!”
Sir John:”But you are a Chinese national only visiting the United Kingdom, how so?”
Chung Lee:”Did you ever read the labels on the flags?!”

Why did the single parking attendant cross the road?
To get to meter

Job Interview
I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, “I want you to try and sell this to me”.
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.
Eventually he called my mobile and said, “Bring it back here right now!”
I said, “$200 and it’s yours”.

Kleptomaniacs
…always take things literally.

Why did Phillip cross the road?
To fill-up the other side

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