A Baker’s Dozen of Bad Jokes

What do you call a moving nun?
A Roman Catholic

500 Bricks On A Plane
Q. There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off, how many left?
A. 499

Q. What are the 3 simple steps of putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. Open refrigerator, put elephant in, close refrigerator.

Q. What are the 4 simple steps of putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A. Open refrigerator, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close refrigerator.

Q. It’s the lions birthday and he invites everyone in the jungle. Everyone turns up but one animal, what animal is it and why?
A. The giraffe, he’s in the refrigerator.

Q. Sally is an explorer. She is walking through a jungle when suddenly she comes across a crocodile infested river. There are no bridges over it. Sally swims over and is not bitten by a single crocodile. How?
A. All the crocodiles are at the lions party.

Q. Sally dies anyway, why?
A. She is hit in the head by a brick.

I heard you can determine the gender of an ant by throwing it into a pool.
If it sinks; girl ant. if it floats; boy ant.
(if you repeat it enough times out loud you’ll eventually get it)

When you have a pillow fight with a memory foam pillow,
that’s a pillow fight you’ll never forget.

How did Bill Gates come up with the name Microsoft?
Ask his wife.

Don’t you just LOVE whiteboards?
I find them to be remarkable!

Did you hear about that kidnapping?
It’s okay, he woke up.

What does the military use acid for?
To neutralize the enemy base.

Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.

What did the blind man say when he walked into the bar?
“Ouch!”

There are two fish in a tank and one says to the other
How do you drive this thing?

Only telepathic people will understand this pun.
I’ll see myself out.

Why did the squirrel leave the tree?
Because it died…
Why did the bird leave the nest? Because it died…
Why did the dog drop his bone? Because it died…
Why did the man leave his house? Because everything was dying in his yard and he said “fuck this, I’m out before I’m next!”

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