Ginger the Baker

Once upon a time, in a very, very small town, there was a baker who was named Ginger. She was a very modest person, and not only was she humble, but also very soft spoken and kind. She was famous in the town for her baked goods, especially her cakes.

One day she was experimenting and created a new cookie. So far, everyone loved it. Deciding that she wanted to add the cookie to her common sale items, she needed to name it. So she called the town together and had everyone try it.

Once everyone had sampled the delicious cookies and helped themselves to some complimentary cake, Ginger walked up onto the stage and said, “I have asked you all to come here today to help me name this cookie. Any ideas?”

Someone called out, “What’s in them?”

She replied, “There is just the usual stuff, flour sugar and the likes and also some ginger, which is what gives it that special flavor!”

“So,” the person continued, “there’s ginger in it, and your name is Ginger, so we should recognize you on your creation and call them Ginger Cookies!”

Ginger was appalled by this notion and tried to fight against this idea saying, “I don’t want my name anywhere in the title of the cookies!”

However, the people were entrenched with this name and after a bit more of Ginger fighting against it, the crowd began to chant, “Ginger Cookies! Ginger Cookies! Ginger Cookies!”

Finally, enough was enough and, Ginger began to scream at the crowd angrily, while flipping tables everywhere!

The next morning, the headlines in the local paper read, “Ginger Snaps!”

4 Old Ladies Are Pulled Over

4 old ladies are pulled over on the highway…

They’re pulled over, because they’re only going 17 mph, which isn’t safe on a highway. The cop points this out to the one driving, and she says,

“Oh I’m sorry, officer. I thought that was the speed limit.”
“No, that was the highway number. The speed limit is 80 mph, but you have to go at least 45 mph.”
“Thank you officer.”

Just then, the cop looks at the backseat, where the other three old ladies are. They’re very pale, and shuddering, with scared looks on their faces. None of them are moving, and they’re practically hyperventilating.

“What happened to them?” The cop asked.
“Oh, you’ll have to excuse them, officer,” the driver explains. “We just got off of highway 124.”

The Beauty At Your Feet

The Japanese have many artistic traditions that we in the West are beginning to notice and take into account.

Of course we will get them wrong from time to time.  A Minimalist aesthetic can be wonderful.  Walking into a place that looks clean and polished where every fine detail is meticulously fussed over will immediately draw you in and have you pay deep attention to the space that isn’t used in comparison with the spaces that are used.

Then again, sometimes we get it wrong.  The mass market plasticization of society and public spaces can simply look stark and uninviting.  An Apple Store always seems cold and sterile to me instead of a place to draw you in and invite creativity.  After all, that is what a computer is used for, to Create.

Maybe I am digging a bit too deep.  My own wanders over my own patch of beach sand here never ceases to amaze me.  Having grown up in the Prairies of South Jersey, I was used to a certain look and feel of things.  My split level house of my youth was plucked out of a life of The Wonder Years.  The Pin Oaks planted along the street would change with the seasons but were very much of the place and grew with the time.

Here things simply look different.  I live in a town that will never freeze, or so I am told by the USDA and their zones.  I have never seen it below 34, and it may not have been quite that cold since I am rather close to the beach. 3 Km or 2.3 Miles to be specific.

So things are not adapted to lose their leaves in winter.  Flowers can occur all year around.  If you like that sort of thing, and are observant, you can find beauty in just about anything.

My own yard for example.  I find things that look like what the mother of a friend of mine called Wandering Jew.  She told me that if the conditions are right, they will bloom.  That sounded simply insane that a house plant would bloom like that to me since you just can’t leave things outside in the cold weather.

Here, it is a weed.  And it blooms.

A tiny little dot of blue in the field of green at my feet.   All I have to do is be patient and wait.  In this case it was in late February, but no matter.

Other times, there’s a spot of yellow.  Most likely from the shamrocks that grow in my yard, it could also be sorrel.  Either way, these things are predictable.  I almost always see them out there.  Bright yellow or a pale lavender, they are in the sun, growing all over the place.

I have taken notice of them as they end up in my plant pots.  How that happens, I have no idea.  The flowers tend to be cut with the lawnmower, they reappear quickly, and they disappear.

Again, it blooms and brings beauty to a uniform green, if you know where to look.

That would be the key.

 

Open your eyes, pay attention.  You could be missing something quite special.

Two Guys Are Bungee Jumping One Day.

This one had me laughing loud enough that my parrot laughed too.

 

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day.

The first guy says to the second. “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.”
The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.

Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.

Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding.

Again, the second guy misses him.

The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, “What happened? Was the cord too long?”

The first guy says, “No, the cord was fine, but what the hell is a pińata?”

Why Not Some Bad Jokes On A Saturday Morning?

I feel so bad for my friend.
He spent years of training in the medical field.
Spent thousands on putting himself through University, making sure he was the best he could be.
This week he struck off for sleeping with one of his patients, they had known each other for a couple of years prior to this.
It makes me so mad because he was a bloody good vet.

What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick

My dad got fired today and asked me to be his teacher.
His boss told him to learn from his mistakes.

What do you call a staircase with no railing in an old folks home?
A stairway to heaven.

This actually happened to me yesterday with my grandpa
Grandpa: pointing to the newspaper hey buddy, can you hand me the sports section
Grandson: sure hands him the sports section
Grandpa: no, no, no, not that he reaches over and grabs a different section
Grandson: but that’s the obituaries grandpa…
Grandpa: yeah but when you’re my age this is the sports sections

What does corn invest in the market?
Stalks…..

Why are octopuses so dangerous?
They’re heavily armed.

When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent.

“Darling, can I go out in this dress?”
“Yes dear, it’s already dark out.”

Woman to her husband while at it: “Please say dirty things to me!”
Man: “Bath, Kitchen, Living room…”

How did Egyptian kings communicate with their wives?
They used their Pharaoh-moans.

I asked my brother if he could help me think of a synonym for “pamphlet.”
“Ya bro sure!”

Did you hear about the baby ghost who joined the football team?
He heard the coach say they needed a little team spirit.

Morning Tummy Rubs Are The Best

Anyone who has the pleasure of having a McNab Dog in their life knows the position.

On their backs, spine curled, one or more legs in the air, exposing their belly for all to see.

Have you no shame, Sir?

Nah.  Why?  It’s tummy rub time.

Actually in this case, it’s an every morning thing.  Even before I get out of bed, I am leaning over and rubbing a tummy.  The lights then get turned on, and the abbreviated morning routine happens.  Coming back into the bedroom, if he gets up, as soon as the door to the bathroom opens, he’s back down on the floor preparing to roll back up into his bendy self.

It is a comically common position with Rack, my McNab SuperDog (TM).

He does it anywhere he thinks he’ll get attention.  He has also fallen asleep under my hand while I was rubbing that tummy so I must be doing it right.

If he isn’t sleeping on his back, he’s bent into a dogball with his head on his tail.  It isn’t that he does that to keep warm, I live in Florida.

South Florida.

You know, below the Freeze Line?  Boca Raton gets temperatures down to 32.  The coldest it has been since I moved here was 34.  That’s 1C for those Metricated people out there.

He will do that in winter, summer, no matter when.  If he gets too warm being curled up in his bed, he’s going to come out and sprawl out on the Terrazzo floor and curl up there.

Bendy Dogs will do that.

Comically so.  In fact, those of us who follow the breed have decided that our bendy dog is normal, it’s a trait, even if he’s being visited by a parrot who may want to try to take over his crate.

Oh sure, they can flatten out like any other dog.  If they act like they are made out of latex, rubber bands, springs,  bits of string and other things that stretch and bend, they will sprawl out on the floor.  In fact I do believe that they will deflate partially, lowering their internal air pressure by half like I did when I used to take my Jeep off road in the New Jersey Pine Barrens near Chatsworth.

So I have an off road dog.   Wouldn’t be the first.  Lettie did it as well.  When she got older, she stopped bending so much and would be solar powered, letting her mostly black fur soak up as much sun as possible, recharging her for later.

But she used to sleep in a ball just like Rack does.  Like I said, it’s a breed trait, and an amusing one at that.

I guess it is one of those things to watch for.  As time goes by, Rack will choose to recharge in the sun, flatten out and stop his bendy ways but I bet he’ll always roll up for a tummy rub when it’s available.

And even when it is not.

Thirteen Jokes For A Laughable Sunday Morning

What’s the difference between the gas pedal and brake pedal?
“I don’t know”
“I know grandma, we’re taking your keys away. You just drove through a farmer’s market again.”

Why was the mortgage so clingy?
It hated being alone.

Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.

An elderly couple is in church.
The wife says to the husband, “I’ve let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?”
The husband says, “Change the battery in your hearing aid.”

Two women are discussing their love lives
Jo says: “I have to be careful not to get pregnant.”
Jenny looks confused. “But I thought Tony recently had a vasectomy.”
“He did.” says Jo. “That’s why I need to be extra careful.”

What do you call a pig with no legs in a veggie patch?
A ham and salad roll.

Girl: So, how many times a day do you shave?
Man: Well, about 15-20 times every day.
Girl: My god, are you some kind of crazy?
Man: No, I’m a barber.

Why did the jelly roll?
It saw the apple turnover.

How did you catch a one of a kind animal?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame animal?
Tame way.

Q: Where do robbers go to the bathroom
A: Arrest-room

Q: Where do robbers eat dinner?
A: Arrest-aurant

Q: When do robbers stop playing their instruments?
A: At arrest

Q: when do robbers stop being robbers?
A: when it becomes a hostage situation and those coppers ain’t taking me alive… … … … BANG