There Once Was A Man Named Juan

Juan was the most charismatic person around, and because of this he made a brilliant teacher. All of his students loved him, and Juan had helped their grades go up by at least 10%. So of course, when the principal at the time resigned Juan’s pupils pushed him to become the next principal and so he decided to give it a shot. At this school, anyone who wants to run for principal has to give a speech to the school’s board outlining why they believe they should be the principal, so Juan gets up before the school board and simply says “I love my wife, I love my kids, I love my dog” and because everybody loved him he got the position of principal

A few months had passed before the town’s mayor decided to resign, and because everybody in town loved Juan they encouraged him to run for mayor. So he gets up in front of the townspeople and says “I love my wife, I love my kids, I love my dog.”, the speech was met with a huge cheer and Juan became the mayor.

Juan had been mayor for a few years before his townspeople decided to encourage him to run to be the next President, so he decides “why not” and enters the presidential race. Juan made it all the way to the presidential debates, where he simply said “I love my wife, I love my kids, I love my dog”, and because every American loved him he was sworn into presidency.

A few months later, Juan was incredibly drunk in the oval office. His wife walked into the office to check on him and in his drunkness, Juan pulled a gun on his wife and shot her. Juan’s kids ran to the oval office to see if everything was okay and Juan being the drunk man he was shot them both dead, and a few minutes later the dog walks into the room and was met by a bullet to the face.

Whilst Juan was drunk, he still knew that he had just committed multiple offences and made a run for it, out of the white house and onto the streets. A few nights passed and Juan decided he needed to catch up on his sleep, so he went into a back alley looking for a dumpster to sleep in and he found one. He opened the lid of the dumpster and was greeted by a homeless man, Juan panics and says “Sorry sir, I mean no harm”, the homeless man recognised Juan and said “hang on, aren’t you Juan, the guy who shot his wife, kids and dog?”. “Yes I am, but I mean no harm, I just need a place to sleep” replied Juan, however, the homeless man didn’t take a word of it and pulled out a golf gun.

What’s a golf gun? I don’t know, but it definitely shot a hole in Juan.

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