What Does A Lava Lamp Look Like When Shaken? A Tradition.

Way back in the day, all my hippy dippy old Boomer friends had these things.
I liked them and I guess there may have been a little hero worship built in.

So eventually, at a scratch and dent sale in Best Products (R.I.P.) on Woodhaven Road in Bensalem, I found one.

Yoink.  It’s been mine for … decades I guess.

I had always been told “if you shake it, it will never be right again”.

Being the “curious” type, I did.  It took about a week and a half to settle back to looking normal.

I mentioned it to a friend that you can do that.  Get the light all nice and hot and vigorously shake the thing.  It will turn solid red, or whatever color the wax is, and two weeks later, you will be right back to normal.

The response “NOOOOO!  Mr Bill!  Don’t Shake Me!  NOOOOO!”.

Never been one to take no for an answer here.

I responded “So, what?  This is ‘Don’t Shake Me Bro?”.

You can see the result.

At least I got a giggle out of that comment.

Granted this is from an older picture.  Every time that friend goes away, the last night before he goes, I shake the living daylights out of the Lava Lamp

Besides, it gives me something to look at and obsess over.

My friend is going to Douglas, The Isle Of Man for three weeks.  He’ll hardly know it ever got shaken.

Tradition, my man, Tradition!

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What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck

Have you ever read something and had to read it twice before you got it?

Well this isn’t one of them. It’s just a bit strange.
A boy named Tommy Bought a horse…

from a farmer for $250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day.

The next day though, the farmer turned up at Tommy’s house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.”
Tommy replied, “Well, then just give me my money back. That’s fine.”
The farmer said, “Sorry, I can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

Tommy then said, “Okay, then, just bring me the dead horse.”
The farmer was surprised and asked Tommy, “Why? What ya gonna do with him?”
Tommy replied, “I’m going to raffle him off.”

The farmer laughed and said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse! Who’d buy a ticket?”
Tommy answered, “Sure I can, just watch me. I just won’t tell anybody the horse is dead.”

A month later, the farmer met up with Tommy again and asked, “What happened with that dead horse in the end. Did you raffle him off?”
Tommy said, “I sure did. I sold 500 tickets at $5 a piece.”

The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?”
Tommy smiled and said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $5 back.”

I make bad puns. That’s how eye roll.

Ok, so if you’re underaged, overly prissy, or don’t like suggestive humor hand it to your kid because there are No Bad Words here.

 

A 50 year old guy goes to a surgeon to make himself look younger

The surgeon completes the surgery and it is a success.

“How do I look?” the man asks.

“You look 30 years young!” the surgeon replies.

The next day, the man goes to the gas station to fuel up and asks the cashier:

“Excuse me sir, how old do I look?”

The cashier responds, “You look 29 years young!”

The man is flattered and responds, “Why thank you! I’m actually 50!”

Next, the man goes to a meat market and asks the butcher:

“Excuse me sir, how old do I look?”

The butcher replies, “You look pretty young. I’m guessing about 27.”

Again, the man is flattered. “Why thank you! I’m actually 50!”

The man is strolling around town looking for another pedestrian to guess his age. He comes across an elderly woman who appears to be friendly.

“Excuse me miss, I hate to bother you, but how old do you think I am?” the man asks.

The woman replies, “I’m sorry mister but I’ve lost my vision from old age and I could only guess your age if I felt the inside of your pants.”

The man is reluctant at first. But then he decides to just go with it. He unzips his pants and lets the woman stick her hands inside. She feels around for a bit and then removes her hands from his pants.

“You’re 50 years old!” she says.

The man is astonished. “What?! How did you know?!” he asks.

“I was right behind you at the meat market.” She replies.

Baby Sitting Bear, the Chow. An Old Herding Dog Owner Can Learn New Tricks

I got the request about a month ago.  I caved.  I forgot that if you are going to babysit another person’s dog, you should only do it at home.

Your home.  Only.

If your dog and theirs don’t get on, you should not do it.

Mind you, Bear, the other dog, and Rack, my own dog, get on quite well.  However Rack’s personality quirk of being explosively happy with almost every dog on the planet does not mesh well with many dogs.

I did not want to take the chance with Bear, and Bear lives across the street and a few houses down.

So, great, now I have another dog for about 2 weeks.  How do I manage.  After all, I’m used to having Herding Dogs.  18 years of almost continuously living with McNab dogs have led me to expect specific behavior.

Bear is a Chow.  He looks like a teddy bear.  His fur is the consistency of the stuffing of my living room sofa or a new pillow.  He likes me, and the feeling is mutual.

But if you want to know someone, you have to try to live with them.  Since we are talking about a dog, we are also talking about a creature that has been raised to expect certain behaviors that may be risky or unacceptable – to you.

Never did this, lets dive in.

First walk out, Bear was expecting to be the Hunter, and not be told where and how he may walk.  Oh sure, he’s got his walks, but he’s decided that every single Lizard on the planet is to be eaten.

Not a good idea, Lizards carry salmonella and I am not interested in packing a 70 pound dog into my Jeep and visiting a vet.

I had to teach him “No”.  Simple concept huh?  You see, I was almost pulled down by Bear.  There’s a little alcove just left of the apartment where on each side of a door is a palm cluster.  Perfect place for the little critters to live and Bear attacks it every time through.  Not wanting to be face down on the pavement kissing concrete, “NO!” was said every time we went past it.

With four walks a day, by day 2 the charging at the walls lessened, by day 3 that spot was off limit.

Yes, Bear was learning.

He was still as slow as molasses, but he was now more manageable.

Old Dogs Can Learn New Tricks.

Next step.  I had to relax on the walks.  These weren’t so much of a walk as a very slow trudge around the place.

This was because he was a Chow and they only need about 20 minutes of walking a day.  Total.  I had to look that one up.  Both me and my Rack are athletic.  I think a walk of anything less than a half mile is short. Bear on the other hand, no way.  I had to come back for that second walk of a day to “empty the dog” on those palm trees.

He refused to go off property.  I didn’t understand it but it did sink in.  We are in South Florida, in summer, and the Lunch Hour is VERY bright.  Sun angles of about 85 degrees at this time of year.  92F yesterday.   Almost “Due Up”.

Try that wearing a fur coat that will stop every breeze in its tracks.   I realized that this was the case when I saw him hunting the tiny little bits of shade we had around the building.

I’ll hold off walking the boy until the later walks, just let him “Have His Head” and decide where he wanted to go.

Here we are mid week.  The first walk was much easier.  He did a lap around the building, spotted one Lizard and looked at me before he walked over to it.

How a 70 pound dog can pull down a tall man of 223.4 pounds (this morning) is a bit of a surprise.  Bear is overweight, but he is a muscular overweight.

A much better reaction.  But that was it, we went for a walk, he did what he needed to, and we came back home.

I’ve simplified and rationalized his food recipe.  There is way too much salt in the recipe, however I’m going to hold off managing that for them.  Have a chat with the owner and make sure that he understands that a dog of 70 pounds should never have any more than 200mg salt per day.

I’m not a vet, I only play a Know-It-All on a blog.

Sitting with him after his breakfast early this morning though, he was looking for attention, and giving me warm vibes with his brown eyes.

Yeah, Bear’s a good dog.  11 out of 10.  Good boy.

Now, if I can only get through this week.

I’m addicted to break fluid. Don’t worry, I can stop at any time.

This kind of story. Well, of course it made me laugh, but a sly laugh. You see, it’s important to listen, no matter who or what you are or what you think you are.

After all someone may just be able to teach you something.
The DEA search an old man’s farm.

A DEA agent rolls up to a farm and speaks to the old farmer: “Sir we have received an anonymous tip off that you may be storing illegal drugs on your property. I have a warrant here to search your entire farm.”

The farmer replies: “This is outrageous! I’m just a poor old man trying to earn a living, I have nothing to do with drugs. Get off my property.”

At this the DEA agent becomes annoyed and pulls out the warrant: “Sir this warrant allows me search this entire property, if you attempt to hinder my investigation, you will be put under arrest.”

The farmer, accepting defeat, replies: “Ok fine, search all you want, I won’t get in your way. Oh, but whatever you do, don’t go into that far field over there.”

The DEA explodes with anger at this, gets right up in the farmer’s face waving his warrant: “I AM AN OFFICER OF THE LAW! THIS WARRANT GIVES ME THE POWER TO SEARCH EVERY INCH OF THIS FARM, AND THAT’S WHAT i’M GONNA DO. NOTHING CAN STOP ME!”

So the farmer gives up and lets the agent carry out his investigation. After some time the agent has searched almost all of the property and found nothing illegal. The only place left to search was the far field the farmer had warned him about. As the DEA agent is walking towards it, the old farmer chimes in again: “Officer I am only saying this for your own good, do not go into that field.”

The DEA agent explodes again: “I WON’T TELL YOU AGAIN OLD MAN. I HAVE A WARRANT AND I WILL GO WHERE I WANT!”

The farmer is calm and just replies: “Ok, don’t say you weren’t warned.”

So the DEA agent climbs the fence into the field. He searches around and again finds nothing. Determined not to be defeated, the agent walks to the very far end of the field in hopes of finding something. Seconds later the farmer sees him running back towards him in a massive panic, and the farmer knew exactly why. His massive bull Bruce lived in that field, and he was a grumpy old bull. The DEA agent shouts at the farmer: “HELP! PLEASE HELP ME!”

The farmer shouts over to him: QUICKLY!, SHOW HIM YOUR WARRANT!”

What is an attempted murder? A very small group of crows.

I have a well earned reputation of liking jokes that are harmless, silly, and full of puns.

This is one of those stories. Then again, it’s also a long one.
A farmer named Carl finds a baby giraffe

A farmer named Carl was driving down the road when he saw a box on the side of the road. Carl pulled over and was shocked to see that inside the box there was a baby giraffe. Carl leaned down and said “holy crap, how did you get here little buddy?”. To his astonishment, the giraffe looked up and said “howdy! my name is Jerry, I’m not sure how I got here”. Carl agreed that he would take Jerry home and try to figure out where he came from and give him a place to sleep for the night.

Carl and Jerry immediately took to each other. It was clear that Jerry has suffered some type of head injury and couldn’t remember anything before Carl picking him up. Over the next few weeks, Carl helped nurse Jerry back to health, and after some deliberation, decided that he would adopt Jerry the giraffe and let him live on his farm with the other animals.

Years went by and Carl and Jerry became the best of friends. On Jerry’s 8th birthday, Carl asked Jerry what he would want to do on his birthday. Jerry decided that he had always wanted to go to the movies. Every time they had thought about going before, they declined going because of, you know, Jerrys large neck blocking everyone’s view. Carl agreed that they would get there early so they could sit in the last row and not disturb any of the other movie goers.

Before going to the movie, Carl brought out a large sheet cake to celebrate Jerry’s birthday. Jerry, who was never allowed to have cake before, immediately ate the entire cake in three quick bites. Carl was bummed that he didn’t get any cake, but cut Jerry some slack because it was his birthday and he had never had cake before. At this point, Jerry had grown quite large and Carl also quickly realized that he should have gotten a bigger cake.

Off to the movies they went, Jerry sitting on a trailer towed behind Carl’s pickup truck. Jerry had to crouch over completely to get through the front door, but just barely made it into the theater lobby. Once in the theater, Jerry got a sudden head rush from all of the sugar in the birthday cake, and began to get dizzy. He spun around several times, and flopped over the popcorn counter nearly crushing the server and breaking the glass candy display in the process.

The manager of the theater came running out after hearing the commotion. The manager looked at Carl and pointing his finger directly at Jerry said, “Sir, does this animal belong to you?”

Carl responded: “Yes, sir. His name is Jerry and this is his first time at the movies”

The manager shook his head and looking over at Jerry said “you will have to pay for a new counter, and you can’t leave that lyin around here”.

Carl replied “Oh sir, that’s not a lyin, it’s a giraffe”

New Black Ice Trail at Pompano Airpark

They have been working on this since April.  Planning stage was of course, before that.

But, it’s finally at a point where it’s interesting.  It being the trail at Pompano Airpark.

The entire trail is 4.5 miles plus another mile or so on the south side of the park that parallels the main trail.

For a Biker, that’s a bit of a short run.  I used to get in 50 miles in a workout which just was a logistic nightmare, imagine going 11 times around this little loop for a weekend excursion.

I’m surprised when I see joggers running the entire trail in the heat we get here, but then again I used to run 10K at Valley Forge National Park in Pennsylvania so I shouldn’t second guess someone else’s workouts.

Walkers do segments of this trail as well.  Some even the entire trail.

I have even seen a few, very few, skateboards but this isn’t really their thing.

Well good for you folks, it’s a good workout.

Why is this exciting enough for me to ramble on about it?

Why is this just so totally Droolworthy?

Think about skating in a rink.  If you’re on the old school quads, it’s on a rink.  Polished floors of either wood or concrete.  Flat as a plank, smooth as a pancake.

Or the other way around.

Point is that it is a very specific sort of a place.

Inline skating is done outdoors.  Usually on some truly horrendous surfaces.  Sometimes on city streets.

You really can’t skate on streets in South Florida.  The cars will hunt you down for sport.  Trust me, it has happened more than once to me.

There is a scene of skating at the beach.  Personally, I can’t see that, but admittedly I have a different goal when I am out.  Way too crowded, the surface is either textured concrete or bricks.  Can’t get any speed out of that.

Now, consider Endurance or Distance Skating.  I used to skate 33 miles, three times a week, all at 15mph average for my workouts.  Can’t really do that here.

However with this trail, I can do some distance.  That 4.5 mile loop I was talking about.

 

The City of Pompano Beach decided it was time to resurface the trail.  I’ve skated on worse but I won’t argue it could easily have been justified.  I certainly won’t miss the divots caused by subsidence at the Four Mile Mark or those repaired strips under the pavement in the second mile.

They’re all gone.

It’s currently 2.5 miles all in one trail, plus an extra “bonus” mile on the other side of the south side of the park.

But it is smooth.  I mean SMOOTH!  As smooth as some rinks I have skated.  Polished.

Oh sure, it’s flat as a pancake just like the rest of South Florida up to Titusville.  I’ve forgotten what it is like to skate on a hill since I moved here.  But this is like stepping onto an interstate highway after driving off road for so many years.

Must have been.  Every time I checked my heart rate while I skated it last, I was up above 180 BPM because I was skating so fast on it without thinking.

 

So if you do come to South Florida looking for a safer place to skate than at the beach, bring a lot of water.  They do need to get the water stops sorted out.  A part of the improvements is to add restrooms at the beginning of the trail at NE 10th and Federal Highway.

Besides, that sun is almost directly overhead and in our humidity and heat it gets difficult to make that run between the too few water stops.

But you will enjoy it.  How often do you get to skate black ice for 2.5 miles uninterrupted.

Now when they do the other two miles of the trails, it will be rather nice until the sun eats that asphalt away.