Confusing The Dog With The Haunted Poang

Having a routine is best for your dog.

They confuse so easily.

The UPS/FedEx/USPS drivers come through and I know that it happens because I hear a low grumble from Our Corner of the living room.

Rack the McNab SuperDog (TM) has gravitated to a specific spot.  Right next to My Chair in the living room.

My Chair in an All In The Family sense is where I sit.  My Spot.  So he sits there, on a pair of foam pads rescued from a long departed Poang chair that is wrapped in a blanket.  It’s right there at my feet.

We hold discussions, mostly about what I am (constantly) snacking on.  Whether he can be involved in what I am doing.  Whether he can get what I am snacking on.

I used to have the second Big Green Chair in that corner before.  It is moved for now into the middle of the living room because an Ikea Poang Chair just fits my 6’4″/193CM, 220 pound/100KG frame like a glove.

Nobody seems to like these chairs who visit us here.  I don’t understand why they all have to try them out and then bounce out to the couch or one of the big chairs either, but it works out for me.

This Poang is a new one which means it will probably live another 20 years in this house as My Rocking Chair.

I was at Ikea in Sunrise, FL with a friend who gave me the chair for Xmas because I refused to get out of the floor sample at the store.  I guess he got tired of hearing me talk about how comfortable they are “for me”.

This particular morning, I sat down in The Other Big Green Chair on the opposite side of the little table from Our Corner.  Using the electric razor I sat back.  Rack was on his bed in Our Corner happily grooming his oldest hedgehog toy.  It now looks like all the hair has been removed except a patch here and there, and he goes to that one over all the rest.

Our Boy Rack was lost in the Daddy Zone grooming that little hedgehog when I looked over at him.  He didn’t notice me as I reached over to the poang rocker.  I couldn’t see what he was up to so I moved it gently.

It was at this point where I confused Rack.  I might say freaked him out.

Chairs don’t move on their own.

Nobody was in the Poang Rocker.
Dad was in the Big Green Chair.

What was going on?

WHAT WAS GOING ON?!?!?

All that went through his furry black and white mind as every last bit of fur on his body went up on his body and he turned into a Looney Tunes parody of a scared dog.

He immediately forgot about his child, the mostly bald hedgehog.   Forgot about his comfort zone.  Forgot about being in the little corner with the little dog bed.

He basically ripped tire scrabbling across the floor to get away from my haunted Poang that fits my back and nobody else’s.

I had to stop shaving when I had 45 pounds of black and white dog hiding on my other side

from the weird pieces of furniture that moved on their own.

Looking down into those twin brown eyes, I had lasers burning into my soul imploring me to explain why things were moving on their own.

My own laugh was answer enough.  He visibly deflated and went off duty to gingerly walk back into his corner.

Laying down on his bed in the corner next to the Haunted Poang, he plastered himself against the far wall in that little space, returning to his old hedgehog and the morning routine.

The moral of the story is if you are going to Rock Your World, make sure your dog knows you are still in it.

How do you make Bears listen to a story? Take away the B and they’re all ears.

The broken light.

Recently I was having trouble with my light switch so I called for the maintenance guy.

An old grizzled Chinese man arrived shortly after and inspected the switch. He stated that the light switch was working perfectly fine but noted that indeed it was not working as I had said.

“This is not a job for just one person. You need more people to help you.” He said, so I got my wife to help. Still no good.

“More people” he said as he saw it still not working. So at that point, I got my son and daughter to help as well but still no luck

“Many more.” He said. Luckily the neighbors were home and after a quick discussion with them I had the whole clan from next door over to help. In total there were now 11 people, plus the maintenance man in the lounge.

At this point the maintenance man tells me to get everyone to touch the switch and to try it again and sure enough, it worked. I was flabbergasted and asked how and why this had worked now where it wouldn’t before with just myself

He replied ” Many hands make light work”

I’m trying out this new all-sugar diet. It’s pretty sweet.

The thing is that over my life, I’ve had to rebuild my body three times.

There was a time my bike got hit by a speeding car, a car wreck, and a dropped motorcycle.

I’ve found that I can do it, but really nobody should have to rebuild themselves. Once is quite enough.

Working out can be a blast, like these insane inline skate workouts that I used to do and have to slow myself down from doing again. 13.5 miles instead of 33 and that sort of thing where a workout becomes an Exercise in Logistics instead of maintaining a steady 173 BPM heart rate over an hour and a half.

If you are looking down at your belt and it … disappears, it’s time to look at ways to burn an extra calorie or five in many ways. When I blew my knee out during a race, I found myself getting off the train an extra stop, then two to walk the extra distance.

I’d get to work and for a while, I would climb the stair tower up and down to the office. Since the office was up on the Ninth Floor, it was a respectable way to burn a few.

These folks here, well they’re working on the 60th floor. I’d suspect if they’re climbing a 60 floor stair tower, they are nowhere near Fort Lauderdale, and have other problems to look after.

 

Three friends work in a skyscraper

All three friends work at the 60th floor.
One day the elevator doesn’t work so they have to take the stairs.
The three friends make a decision that one of them will sing for 20 floors, the next will make jokes for the next 20 floors and the last friend will tell tall tales for the last 20 floors.

Once the friends reach the 40th floor the friends had a great time. The songs and jokes were appreciated.
Now it’s the turn of the last friend, and the tall tales are also very much appreciated.

When they reach the door of their office at the 60th floor the friend of the tall tales and says:

“I have another tall tale for you guys, I forgot the keys to the office…”

Planting A Lemon Tree In A Stump – Video

(WordPress at my level does not provide inline video links.  If you want to see the time lapse, the link below has it.  My Blogger link has it as well here.)

Youtube has an amazing amount of videos on it.

Some of them are amazing.  I don’t really think this one is amazing, but it did give me an excuse to use the time lapse feature on the camera.

Then hacked a bunch of titles on to it.

So the slightly longer story is that I had a rather beautiful palm tree in the backyard.  It was about 30 plus feet tall and you could see it easily a block away.

I did say “had”.

It got sick, infected with some sort of fungus, and started to die off.

We removed the tree, and it produced a trash can lid sized stump in the grass that was begging to have something done to it.

In the meantime, I was growing a lemon tree from seed because we couldn’t find just the kind of lemon tree that someone wanted.

You know “Regular” Lemons.  Not Meyer Lemons or Stripey ones or giant ones.  Regular.

Since the yard is over planted, and I have zero room for anything else, I got the bright idea to grind the stump in the yard and create a planter.

Believe it or not, what gave me the idea was a Grizzly Bear.

Actually the Bear was a statue created by an Artist in Solebury Township, PA.

See, if you are heading to New Hope, PA from my old house in Chestnut Hill, Philadelphia, PA, you drive North on US 202 past Doylestown, PA.  Once you are getting close to New Hope, you reach a curve.  On the curve is an artist who makes things with chainsaws.  Believe it or not they’re quite nice, although I can’t see having a ten foot tall wooden Grizzly Bear on my little property up there, so I never got one.

The yard is way too small for a Grizzly Bear here, but if he can cut away a stump to make a bear, I certainly could hack my way through to make a hole to put a Lemon Tree Seedling.

Or it will be “A Tree” in five years or more.  Maybe we will get lemons from it, I don’t know.

To paraphrase the old parable, If you want to drink Lemonade today, You should have planted the lemon tree five years ago.

After all, someone here wanted one, and I figured I owed him something.  More than that little seedling tree at any rate and it is the right type of tree.

Besides, his birthday is coming up so while I won’t call this a birthday present, I will call it a “gesture”.

Happy Gesture, enjoy your little tree.

Oh, and there are two more that I have to find homes for, so unless you want me getting “creative” planting things, you may want to make a “sug-gesture” of your own.

What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!

Nothing like a few short jokes to clear your head, and today I am continuing that on from yesterday.

Just look at them and smile, I’m sure there’s something to be a bit edgy for someone here!

—- Short Jokes —-
An eight year old girl went to office with her dad on “Take your kids to work Day”…

As they were walking around the little girl starting crying and getting very cranky. Her father asked what was wrong with her.

As the staff gathered round, she sobbed loudly: “Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?”

A woman was walking home with her 3 daughters.
The first one asked here “Mom why did you chose my name” and the mom says “Well, when we were walking home from the hospital a rose petal fell on your head so we named you Rose”

The second daughter then asks. “What about me?” The mom responds “On the way home from the hospital a lily petal fell onto your head sober called you Lily.”

The third daughter then says “HHHGGGGGHGLLHHHGGGGGGGGFFFFLFFFGHGG” And the mom replies “Hush now cinder block”

….

A German tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my drowning dog

A German tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my drowning dog, after he climbed out he handed me my dog and said “Here is your dog, keep him dry and warm and he will be fine” I asked, “Are you a vet?”.

He replied, “Vet? I am soaking”

Slept like a log last night… woke up in the fireplace..

Actually that’s not strictly true. I don’t have a fireplace in my house. It’s in Florida, and if you are lucky you get to use it once a year.

On the other hand, a couple of my neighbors have a Chiminea or an outside fireplace. It’s always a little odd when you step outside and smell burning wood, but they do enjoy sitting out there.
A man and a woman were traveling in a train.
Woman : Every time you smile,feel like inviting you to my place.
Man: Awwww … Are you single?

Woman: No. I’m a dentist.
Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.

He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard.
He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn’t on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail.
He also was a very spiritual person.
Finally, because he didn’t eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very smelly breath.

He eventually became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender what time the most beautiful women show up at…

The bartender tells him “It’s all in the eye of the beer holder”

 

Two muffins are in an oven

The first muffin says “Oh my, it’s getting hot in here!”

The second muffin turns around in shock and screams, “OH MY GOD! A TALKING MUFFIN!”

How Long Will They Stay, or, If It Doesn’t Bring You Joy, Set It Free

Over the last few years there have been a bunch of articles.

Actually quite a few articles, so I’ll be lazy and not look for them.

One after another says that when the Boomer goes into the Home, the Millennial doesn’t want “It”.

“It” being “Brown Furniture”.  It’s also the Great Generation’s China that the Boomer inherited as well as a long list of things that they can’t be bothered with.

I’ve come to realize that those Millennials are making a whole lot of sense.

You see, last weekend we went to Ikea. You know the place?  Giant box of a store filled with right-sized food, furniture that you build yourself, and everything is named by throwing a dart at a Swedish Telephone Book?  I am rather fond of Ikea, and the clean lines on the furniture and the names and the possibility of getting some of those awesome cookies at the end is all part of the fun.

Besides being given a Poang Rocking Chair that I am enjoying very much, we got a China Cabinet.  I’ve been trained to call them a Tallboy, but that could just be my own warped version of English so pay me never mind.

It took all weekend to get the mother-lode of boxes into the house, opened, proofread, and then assembled.  The tallboy is taller than I am so it is truly tall.

To get this beast of a piece of white furniture where it is needed, we had to clear out the old cabinet of its glassware.

Now, Husvik the Tallboy, and Poang the Rocker live in my dining room.

This was where I realized the wisdom of the Millennial.

I was confronted with my glassware from when I was in my first apartment.  Some glasses leftover from when I was a child.  Some more glasses that I pulled out of the landscaping over the years.

Rather a lot of glassware.  In fact so much so that we began to pile it and all the Onesie-Twosie oddball glasses into a low box.

After considering how to get rid of all that strange one off and two off drink-ware, I merely moved the box out to the front of the property.

After all, how much of this stuff can you use at any given moment?   We have never had an actual party in this house, despite knowing that it was the party house on the block before my boring self moved in.

Swimming pool and Dry Bar not withstanding.

So how did it go?  The box is still out in front of the house.  I’m going to keep putting it out in the morning, and picking it up at night until it is gone or the next trash day happens.

Stay tuned, Fellow Babies, Stay tuned!

So I waited.  The box went out there at 8 in the morning.  Mind you, I live on a street with a fair amount of foot traffic.  People walk from apartments and day rentals to the Shops and Restaurants here all day long.

Lunch came.

Box Stayed.

Mid afternoon crash happened.  Not too happy about that Nod-Off but blood sugar and high metabolism will do that to an athlete.

Box stayed.

Dinner hour hit.  I walked Rack the McNab SuperDog (TM).

Came home and the box was still there.

I stood up to close the blinds and was told that I should just close the blinds and ignore it.  We just don’t want a box of potential missiles to reside on the driveway over night.

It turns out that in the first half hour of night, someone came by and moved my weird mismatched glasses on to their new home.

No more Crown Royal Old Fashioned Glasses.

No more Highball Glasses.

Gone is the cut glass goblet (singular, all the rest suffered deceleration trauma over the years).

Even the “extra” glass that came from a Bag Of Crap that once blinked from LEDs in the bottom of it.

Goodnight Glasses, er Moon!

Bye Bye!  With my blessings.

Now if I can just get rid of those plastic tubs of weird stuff in the back room… Hmmm.  Maybe a handful a day… I wonder if I can get away with that?

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATHE!

With the usual weekend dementia, here’s a story about a talking dog. Personally, I think all dogs talk, I’m just not sure all people listen.

 

A guy sees a sign in front of a house that says “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the mutt replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The mutt looks up and says: “Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.

“The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says: “Ten dollars.”

The guy says: “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?”

The owner replies: “He’s just a big liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”

What keeps the ocean from leaking out? The seals.

How about a couple of “Dad Jokes” that are suitable for all audiences?

 

A broccoli, a tomato, and a yam were running in a race.

The broccoli got off to a great start, but being a green runner, he didn’t have enough stamina to finish the race. The yam and the tomato were neck and neck for the first mile, but the tomato fell behind. The yam was about to reach the end of the race when he collapsed from exhaustion right in front of the finish line. Over the course of the next hour, the tomato ran the entire length of the race, and won.

Why was the tomato so successful?

The tomato paste himself.

 

—- Now, I am embarrassed that I like this one so much. I remember telling it to my nephew when he was a small child and he was laughing about it all weekend! —-

 

Mamma gets Tommy a turtle for his birthday . . .

3 days later she checks it and sees it’s covered with nasty bloody scabs all over the bottom. So she takes it back for an exchange.

2 days later she sees this one also has the same wounds on it’s belly.

She marches back to the pet store with Tommy on tow and yells at the manager that she wants a good healthy turtle this time. The manager is baffled, none of the other customers have had this issue. So he hands her the best turtle he has.

Tommy picks it up and gets on his knees, takes the turtle and swipes in on the floor yelling VRROOM! VROOM!

Cinnamon Brown Sugar Tortilla Recipe

Actually, I hesitate to call this a recipe.

It’s so simple.

On the other hand since my metabolism is through the roof with all the cardio I do, I sometimes need a snack NOW! at odd hours and this is perfect for that.

As prepared, this is only 95 calories.  Your counts can vary depending on the size of things but here we go!

And it’s so easy it’s one of those kid friendly things you can do.

Ingredients:

  • 1 Six Inch Flour Tortilla
  • 1 Teaspoon Brown Sugar
  • A Dusting of Ground Cinnamon to taste

Preparation:

  • Take a six inch flour tortilla out of the package and place it on the rack of the toaster oven.
  • Dust the tortilla liberally with Ground Cinnamon to taste.
  • Pour the Brown Sugar on top of the Ground Cinnamon and mix it evenly.  I use my finger (don’t tell!).
  • Slide the rack back into the toaster oven and toast until tan and crispy.
  • When done, allow to cool and slice into pieces as needed.

Yep!  That’s it.  Like I said, I hesitate to call this a recipe.  More of a snack, and something after a workout to boost my blood sugar back to normal so I don’t fall asleep in the chair.

Enjoy!