Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Longer Jokes have been a bit “thin on the ground” here lately. On the other hand, when I read the punch line on this one, I laughed loud enough to startle the dog and get the parrot chattering.

I think you’ll like it.

 

Big Jake

It’s a quiet day in the saloon when a cowboy runs in. With a panicked look on his face, he says, “Everybody run, I just got word that Big Jake is comin’ to town!”.

The bartender, who’s new in town, is shocked to see everybody get up and run out. He grabs a patron by the bar and asks, “What’ happening?”.

“D-d-didn’t you hear, man? Big Jake’s comin’ to town!”

The bartender is confused, but rolls with it. But, since he doesn’t want people coming and looting the saloon, he decides to stick around.

Just then, the meanest, tallest, ugliest son-of-a-bitch the bartender’s ever seen bursts into the room. He slams the door so hard it falls clean off its hinges. He’s eight foot tall, and nearly as wide. Every inch of his face is either scarred or tattooed. His ears are pierced with two massive railroad spikes. He picks up a table and throws it straight down through the floor, just to show that he can.

He walks up to the bar and slams his fist down on it so hard that it splits clean in two. “HEY, BARKEEP!”, he yells. “GIMME THAT BOTTLE O’ WHISKEY!”

Shaking, the barkeeper hands the bottle over. In one massive gulp, he downs the entire bottle before smashing it over his own head. “NOW GIMME THAT BOTTLE O’ TEQUILLA!”

Again, the barkeeper hands over the bottle, which the stranger downs in a single gulp before breaking the bottle over his head. He scoops up some of the glass and eats it, just to show how tough he is.

Wanting to stay on his good side, the bartender asks him, “I-i-is there anything else I can get you, sir?”.

The stranger says “THANKS PARDNER, BUT I GOTS TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, FAST! I HEARD THAT BIG JAKE’S COMIN’ TO TOWN!”

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