Two Ingredient Beer Bread or I Need To Eat Some Of This Stuff Now

I needed bread and I needed an easy recipe.

How much easier do you want?

Two ingredients.

It was pretty good too.  Not too sweet, and this recipe is one that I will stick with since I still have the beer and want something “bread” and not “muffin-like”.

Sugar in these breads seem to be added to counter the taste of baking powder.  I personally tend to omit, but you can try it like this and adjust later like I will.

The ingredients are easy:

  • 1 bottle of Beer.  12 OZ/340mL.  I used Corona Extra Longneck because we’re in Quarantine.
  • 3 cups SIFTED of Self Rising Flour. 680g according to DuckDuckGo.com
  • 3 Tablespoons of Sugar – TO TASTE, I used none because I forgot.  Standard measure is 15g per tablespoon or 45g total.

(see below if you want to make the S.R. Flour yourself)

Process:

  • Grease your Bread Pan.
  • Preheat the oven to 350F
  • SIFT 3 Cups Self Rising Flour into a mixing bowl.
  • Add Sugar to Taste – Or Don’t because I forgot it.
  • Pour your 12 ounce beer into the mixing bowl and mix until it “Comes Together”
  • Mix the batter and pour into greased bread pan.
  • Bake for 40 plus “minutes” – until properly golden brown.

If you don’t have Self Rising Flour:

For Each Cup:

  • 1 Cup All Purpose Flour
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons Baking POWDER
  • 1/2  teaspoon Salt

Sift or mix together.

What do you call the wife of a hippie? Mississippi.

My international audience will scratch their collective heads and wonder why the people here in the US put up with this for profit healthcare garbage. Trust me, I could give you chapter and verse as to why the system here is rigged and how difficult it is to turn a battleship around in a harbo(u)r.

However this first joke explains it best.

 

The CEO of a large managed care corporation was sitting in his office late one night, gloating over his latest acquisitions. Suddenly, with a puff of smoke and the smell of brimstone, Satan appeared before him.

Satan smiled at the CEO and said, “I have a proposition for you. You can win every health care contract you bid on, for the rest of your life. Your colleagues will stand in awe of you, physicians will fear you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, and the souls of all your friends and the souls of all the shareholders in your company.”

The CEO thought about this for a moment, then asked, “So, what´s the catch?”

 
THE TOP 10 SIGNS YOU´VE JOINED A CHEAP HMO

10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

9. Directions to your doctor´s office include “take a left when you enter the trailer park”.

8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
7. Only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter.

6. Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is “an apple a day”.

5. Your “primary care physician” is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

4. “Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges” is not a typo.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. With your last HMO, your Viagra pills didn´t come in different colors with little “M´s” on them.

1. You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape.

Kevin’s Dad Joke Revenge

Ok, so to help keep his business running, Kevin’s company had a competition.

Actually this is at least the second since the Wuhan Virus started up and we all ended up eating food from boxes.

Yes, rest of world, welcome to Hurricane Prep and Hurricane Food.   It’s a part of why I am making so damn much bread, and had to buy a Pound of Yeast from my normal Wholesale To The Public store via the web.

Long story, won’t get into it.

Anyway, everyone was invited to send in their best one liners and Dad jokes to everyone else.  I don’t know if there was a prize but hey aren’t Bad Dad Jokes their own reward?

I think so so I put them here, every weekend.

The Facebook Group doesn’t necessarily read them, the count of people actually coming to here from there drops by half instead of the normal Wednesday postings.

But on the other hand, I get comments and complements from the folks who read it via the WordPress site.

So I continue onward posting these silly things for as long as I get them.  They please me, and I truly do hope they please you.

If not, make a suggestion of what to write about.  Or write an article.  I’ll probably post it even if I do have to give it a read first.   Consider me your Editor.

Anyway, here goes!

What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Damn.

If this virus is Chinese, I don’t want to see the Original.

Two snowmen in a field. One says to the other “Can you smell carrots”?

Why do fish in Egypt find it hard to face reality? Because they live in de-nial.

How many members of Oasis does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them: one to hold the ladder, one to screw in the light bulb and the rest to ask The Beatles if they’re doing it right.

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.

What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.

What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised.

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!

I keep randomly shouting out ‘Broccoli’ and ‘Cauliflower’ – I think I might have florets!

Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy

My dad suggested I register for a donor card, he’s a man after my own heart.

A cement mixer collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: “Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?

Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes!

Beer Bread Recipe So Good That Even Wrong It Was Tasty

I am still trying different bread recipes here at home, well, because we’re bored here.

However, it’s getting eaten.

This is a beer bread.  Yes, I used a bottle of Corona to make it.  Not a bad beer, frankly, for an American Style Lager.  I get a case before every hurricane season, and since I drink beer slowly, I’m down to 8 bottles since December.  About one per week.

This beer bread is made with all purpose flour, instead of Self Rising flour.   I made a mistake.  I used Baking SODA instead of Baking POWDER.  Don’t make that mistake, however I ended up with a bread that was like a muffin or a cake.

That odd piece on the side?  I had that about an hour ago and am trying to stop myself from “Spoiling My Dinner”.

Since the result was interesting enough, and we all liked it, the recipe is here. Just make my mistake and you end up with a very soft bread.

If you don’t have Self Rising Flour:

  • 1 cup all purpose flour
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons Baking POWDER
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt

No, you don’t need that for this recipe here.
Oh well, it will work with PB&J or with French Toast this way.

This beer bread is a bit on the sweet side, so feel free to reduce the amount of sugar.

It also was quite buttery, and very soft.  If you tossed some fruit into this it would make some interesting Muffins.

Ingredients:

  • 3 cups All Purpose Flour SIFTED.  (It makes it lighter)
  • 1 teaspoon Salt
  • 4 Tablespoons Sugar (Yes, it can be reduced)
  • 1 Tablespoon Baking POWDER
  • 1/2 cup Butter, Melted
  • 1 12 ounce bottle of beer.

Process:

  1. Preheat the oven to 375F
  2. Grease a bread loaf pan and set aside.
  3. Sift 3 cups of flour
  4. Add salt, sugar, and baking POWDER to the flour and stir to mix
  5. Add butter to the mix and stir it in until it is roughly even
  6. Pour the bottle of beer over top of the ingredents and mix until you have a batter
  7. The batter will be rather wet.
  8. Pour the batter into the greased bread loaf pan.
  9. Bake at 375 for 45 minutes and check the loaf for doneness.
  10. I went 50 minutes to get a soft and brown loaf

Always give 110% unless you’re a statistician.

Don’t you just hate officious behavior? Those who enforce the rules to extremes?

 

A group of students are doing their end-of-year exams.

The old beady-eyed moderator in charge of the classroom stared towards the clock at the end of the room as the students furiously scribbled down the remainder of their answers, knowing that time was almost up.

Minutes later, the clock struck a new hour and the exam was over.

“YOUR TIME IS UP!” The grouchy supervisor barked, “Please hand in your papers into a pile on my desk.”

The students quietly got up, breathing sighs of relief as they quickly made a pile of test papers as they filed out of the classroom. All except for one boy who was still finishing off his last answer. He only finished 20 seconds after the rest of his classmates did, but when he got up to place his exam on the pile, the old man gestured for him to stop.

“Too late,” The old man sneered, “You should’ve handed in your paper earlier.”

The student’s mouth fell agape. This wasn’t fair at all. He stammered for a moment saying “Hey, come on, I-I should be allowed to h-hand this in.” Still, the old man refused. Then the student said smugly, “Do you even know who I am?”

The old man looked up at him through his glasses, almost astounded by how smug this idiotic boy was acting. “No, I do not,” The moderator replied.

Almost immediately, the student just said, “Good,” as he shoved his paper into the middle of the pile and then left the room.

You’re so old, your doctor is a paleontologist.

Ok, if you have been reading these Weekend Jokes that I have been posting for far too long, you have figured out that I love a good Groaner. I also love a good Dad Joke.

This is one of those.

 

Good news and bad news

A man is driving down the highway on a rainy night and gets a flat tire.

He pulls over to the side of the road to change it.

While changing the tire his wrench slips from his hand and slides underneath his car.

He lies down flat to inch under the car and retrieve it.

As he’s in the prone position, a passing truck loses control on the wet road and runs over his legs.

The man goes unconscious and wakes up in the hospital.

A doctor comes in the room and sits down next to him. The doctor says, “I have some good news and I have some bad news.”

The man says, “Ok, give me the bad news first.”

The doctor sighs a heavy sigh and slowly says, “We had to amputate both legs and you will never walk again.”

The man, completely distraught, takes a moment to soak in the news and asks “Ok, now give me the good news?”
The doctor perks up and announces brightly with a smile, “The guy down the hall wants to buy your slippers!”

Irish Soda Bread Or Searching for a Better Recipe

The short story is I’m trying out recipes because we all have the time.

The long story is I haven’t found a recipe that passes for my daily bread and just may end up going on a different tangent.  I will keep trying.

I remember the Irish Soda Bread my sister made when I was a kid.

She made a batter, flattened it in a skillet that somehow I have managed to keep to this day.

Then warmed up the oven and before tossing it in the oven, skillet and all, she poked a hole in the middle with her finger.

The bread was salty, warm, and very tasty.

I have been trying to find that recipe ever since.

This one I have here is an amalgamation of a couple recipes, none of which ended up as good as that recipe of my sister’s.

This is a pretty good recipe, and has a good flavor to it, so if you want to experiment go for it.

Irish Soda Bread goes from ingredients to oven quickly because there is no rising.

The thing about Irish Soda Bread is that the crumb is usually quite dense, and salty.  If that isn’t your thing then you might not care for what I have here today.

Even if it was tasty!

Ingredients:

For Buttermilk:

  • 285mL/10 ounces Milk.
  • 30mL/2 Tablespoons/1 Ounce Vinegar or Lemon Juice.  I used Wine Vinegar because I spotted it at random, and I have used other kinds of Vinegar.

For the Dough:

 

  • 500g/17.5 ounces Bread Flour
  • 30g/1 ounce/2 Tablespoons of unsalted butter, melted or softened.
  • 10g/1 Teaspoon Salt.
  • 10g/1 Teaspoon Baking Soda. For extra rise, use a little more.
  • 1 Egg.

Process:

Buttermilk:

  • Pour out 10 ounces of Milk to a measuring cup.
  • Add 2 Tablespoons of Vinegar/Lemon Juice to the Milk.
  • Stir that a few times and allow 10 minutes for the Buttermilk to “brew”.

Dough (It’s Easier than it looks):

  • Preheat oven to 220C/425F.
  • Lay out cookie sheet and place Aluminum Foil or Baking Parchment on top.
  • Add your Flours to the mixing bowl.
  • Add Butter, Salt, and Baking Soda to the bowl and mix the dry ingredients together.
  • Whisk the Egg and Buttermilk together.
  • Add the Buttermilk and Egg mixture to the dry ingredients.
  • Knead the dough until it becomes an even mixture.
  • Make a well in the middle of the flour to accept the other ingredients.
  • The dough should form a soft, wet “Play Doh” Modeling Compound consistency.
  • Shape your dough into one loaf.
  • Score the top of your dough with a knife or fork to allow the center to cook fully.
  • Bread is done when tested to at least 165F in the thickest part of the Bread Loaf.
  • (Or by eye, these loaves were cooked to 180F)

Baking:

 

For one loaf, baked at 425F for 35 minutes.