In Florida, If Car > Iguana, and Buzzard > Iguana, then Buzzard = Car?

Welcome to Mutual of Florida Wild Kingdom where Native Species sometimes win out.

Once upon a time there was a pristine land where Puma roamed free and nary a hibiscus was found.

This was South Florida.

Then “we” moved in and changed things.

A few “swamp rats” of various kinds moved into the land that was dry enough to support us.

People.  We changed the place.

We have all put a heavy thumbprint on the land, no matter which group of people you are referring to.

Clearing the land to allow for homes of various ilk.  Then someone got the bright idea to drain the forests and the river of grass to create more land.

Sure, it worked but when the North emptied out into the place after the Second World War and the invention of practical air conditioning, we brought what we thought should be in this climate.

South Florida is an artificial landscape.

Those Palm Trees we plant everywhere don’t belong.  Nor do the Hibiscus, the Orange Groves, and the Bottle Brush Trees.

Most of this stuff comes from Asia and Australia.

We also brought our animals.

There are roving packs of dogs and cats, of course.  Large amounts of Razorback and other feral hogs living in the forests.  There are flocks of parrots that visit from time to time that chatter at me and mine while I am out working on the swimming pool that does not belong, either.

Someone got the foolish idea that having an Iguana as a pet would be great until they started escaping.

These green dinosaurs run all over the place eating up the plants that we brought with us like they’re candy.

You can’t share with an iguana, don’t even try it.  They won’t leave your hibiscus or your orchids in peace, if they can get to them.

Every so often one of these creatures meets up with a car.  They run at full speed across the streets in front of my house looking for choice bits of plants.

Until, Crunch.

Then you get to watch them as they move onto their next existence.

After they finish thrashing, they’ll become food for whatever animal chooses to visit.

In the case of the last one, it was a buzzard.  It had just about a six foot wing span when it landed.  Or rather I should say when they landed because they’re quite skittish.  Once one gets there, another tries to run it off so it can get to the choice pieces of Iguana before the other and they trade off.

Not a problem for me, I’m all for the Buzzards, after all they belong.  Green Iguanas do not belong in this ecosystem and anything that gets rid of them I’m all for that as well.

Even if it is a Ford or Goodyear and it ends up on my neighbor’s driveway.

Fascinating to watch.  If you have to watch a dinosaur get eaten, may as well be on your neighbor’s driveway!

I’d just rather not clean up after it all.

Peeping Ringneck Dove

In South Florida, I have often said, we live closer to wildlife than I did in Philadelphia.

That isn’t to say we didn’t have wildlife in Philadelphia, and I don’t mean the two legged variety.  I once had a deer in my backyard, roughly a solid mile from the park, but that is another story entirely.

Behind my house is an arbor.  It’s made of some large poles and holds up the bougainvillea and the Spanish Moss that grows there.  That is to say there is a massive bougainvillea that forms a privacy curtain along the back window of the Florida room, and you can’t get through it because you would be shredded by the thorns that grow on the plant.

Bougainvillea are beautiful, but nasty plants.  Every time I work with the plant I get stuck by those blasted thorns.


Wrap yourself in Kevlar Body Armor and it won’t matter.   You will get stuck.

I suppose that is the attraction of the bloody stuff.  Literally bloody, that is.  The thorns create a micro-climate safe from things that might “Getcha”.

Every so often I look out the window and I see things looking back at me.

My frog hotel is at the top of the window.  Two little boxes, an inch deep, two long, 4 wide.  Just big enough for a frog to smack against the glass and hide for the daytime until it is time to go out at night and hunt for insects.

Tasty, tasty insects.   Mmmmm.

I’ve seen a four foot long green iguana looking back at me with a mouthfull of bougainvillea leaves.  I wouldn’t mind but those nasty iguanas don’t share.  I stood up to get a better view and off it ran into the neighbor’s yard.

Evil things.

This was more benign.  A Rock Dove.  Perhaps you call them Ringneck Doves.  I go between the names.  They’re quite common, quite harmless.   I simply did not expect to see the thing looking at me and watching me as I go through my normal daily routine.

So why not… I got a couple pictures of it.  Then it got frightened due to my attention and flew off into the window.

They’re not bright.  Birdbrained might be a better description.

They’re all over the area here.  Might be the teenagers of the avian world with their call of “Meh” whenever you hear them.  Harmless creatures, whatever they eat they’re welcome to since I know they don’t destroy my plants.

One of them a while back made a friend in my parrot, Oscar.  It would fly over to the cage when I had Oscar in the Florida Room near the window.  I would hear Oscar talking to the bird, saying Hello! to it, trying to convince it to talk back, and the Dove true to form would just say “Meh” back.

I am guessing that this could be some sort of revisited curiosity, although it might be misdirected.  Oscar got moved back into the core of the house to keep him comfortable when the weather changed from warm to cold, or vice versa.  I can’t really remember which.  I don’t have that large a house, so he squats in the middle of it making rude noises at us and glowers while that peeping dove tries to get his attention.

I should move him back out there, but I’m lazy.

Green Lizard, Green Wall, Green Tree

We had just had a rather excellent pizza.

That in itself is the exception and not the rule here since most pizzas will get it close, but not right.

Add to that that I have almost always gotten what they call “Counter Pies” and individual slices.  That means they made the pie, then slice off a slab and re-heat it before serving.  It gives a crispier crust, and that is what I expect.  If the crust won’t stand on its own and droops when you go to eat it, it wasn’t right.

We had discussed the ongoing things in town, our own lives, and the rest of whatever came to mind, and waddled out of the place.  I had three slices that would serve as a meal and a half later when needed.

Chatting our way East, or North depending on your point of view, on Wilton Drive, I was stopped, abruptly.

Hey look!

At what, there’s a lot to look at.

The Lizard!

I thought: There are a lot of lizards here in town, we’re used to them.  They amuse me but…

Which Lizard, it’s got to be…

That one over there, it’s different.  It’s GREEN!

I could hear the stressing of the color in capitals in his voice.  Kevin isn’t prone to doing that.

I hope it isn’t another damn iguana.

I saw it, not so much for what it may or may not have been, but for the studies of color that it presented.  Green Lizards here seem to be either Iguanas, or Carolina Anole Lizards.  The Carolinas are much more rare.  The Iguanas are an invasive pest that turn my plants into a salad and give nothing back.

These Carolinas were more common until the Browns or Cuban Browns moved in and pushed them up into the trees.  They are so rare that when I see a green lizard, I stop and take notice since they seem out of place.

Here was this critter, holding onto the wall around 5 feet above the ground, in clear view of The Drive.  I guess that The Gables have created a micro climate for this comparative rarity to do well enough that it felt the need to go exploring on the busier side of the building, right behind the screw palm.

Knowing that I had my camera with me, Kevin pointed it out.  Once I stopped being confused, I started taking pictures.   The little creature kept me in view the entire time and watched to make sure I didn’t get too close.  Having a proper optical zoom is important, you can stand 10 feet away and zoom in tight.  Thankfully the Automatic Focus on the camera didn’t foul up all the shots.  As much as I like Screw Palms, I would prefer not to have a collection of a dozen or so perfect pictures of a plant with a fuzzy lizard out of focus in the back.

Even after living here for 8 years, I am still amused by the lizards here.   I never saw them in South Jersey, and while some people around me insisted that we could find newts and salamanders around, you couldn’t prove it by me.

Now, I go out into the yard and have to be careful or else I may step on a lizard.  Discovering one on my ceilings is a monthly event.

Best way to deal with that is “Catch and Release” and let the little thing go do what it’s supposed to – collect insects that may try to get in my house.  After all, this isn’t a big city apartment.  In some places people will get lizards, typically geckos, and simply let them roam free in their house.  If that house is an apartment building, it’s an effective way to get rid of roaches.

Just leave a little water out and they’ll do fine.

Since we don’t have roaches, but merely the occasional termite, moth, or black racer snake, we tend to relocate lizards outside and we do so gently.  After all, I’m entertained so I may as well treat them right.

Iguana On The Deck

If you are in South Florida near fresh water, eventually you will see one of these beasts.

They don’t belong.  Green Iguanas are an invasive species here.  They’re a destructive pest that is disrupting the environment for those creatures that actually do belong here.

It doesn’t mean that they can’t be entertaining.

It probably means that the winter didn’t get cold enough to kill the things off.

I described that process as the Iguana Rain before – it gets below 45F and they’re stunned by the cold.  Their metabolism slows down and their muscles let go.  Then they will fall from the trees.

Mind you, it’s not a gentle fall, but one that most survive.

The people in Trinidad and Tobago swear by Curried Iguana Tail, and they are welcome to the creatures.

All these thoughts went through my head.  I was sitting in the window seat indoors at the Indian restaurant.  There is this little river or canal that is behind the place on Griffin road.  The small development on the other side of the little river had people to watch.  Kevin went off to answer an emergency call, and I continued dining on savory-not-spicy Indian food made for a British and American palate. 

Not A Wall Of Heat Indian food is a treat.

I speared a little dough ball that tasted richly of honey and butter.  Looking out the window I got the picture taken of this green beast going about its life.  Adolescent four foot long lizard eating bugs that were in the sun.  Harmless where it was.

I was alone at the moment.  I spotted Kevin conducting his business from the parking lot.  He was chatting with someone who had left his phone at home.  The person who was to rescue the phone left it on the roof of the car and drove off.  Too much drama for my tastes, I keep my toys intact.

While the feeding went on both inside and outside, I spotted another Iguana across the river on a tree branch.  We do live around a lot more wildlife here in the middle of the South Florida Sprawl than you might expect.  Toads, Iguanas, Boa Constrictors, and native species are all over the place.  A Road Pizza could be any of those and more.

Looking at the tree I noticed a stray parrot in the sun, squawking at the lizard.  It is better in the trees, but it too didn’t belong.  Yet another great great grandchild of a released former pet.  They get out into the wild here and once the genie is out of the bottle, it is difficult to put it back, if not impossible.

I hear the little old British Lady at the next table go on a bit longer than would be polite about not having Her Pink Packet to sweeten the rather excellent Iced Tea that I was drinking some of.  I’m sure she had her own stash in her rather large purse, but people do have their tastes, even if it was questionable.

Spearing another large bite of a fried vegetable ball, I hear the other British Woman tell the first that she was being “a bit churlish” and that she should calm down since the Iguana that she was now obsessing over was on the other side of the glass.

Greeted by my faithful sidekick, Kevin, who asks how the meal is?

Wonderful of course.  But I did miss my Mango Lassi.
Did you see the iguanas?
Yes, so did the woman behind you.  Said with an Eye Roll.
It didn’t get cold enough to get rid of them this year.
Are you getting dessert?  The Donut balls are excellent and the Mango Pudding I would love to try to make at home!

He was full, and I was over full.  That meal was responsible for a few extra groans that it would take a day and a half to get rid of.

One of the children from that table way over there had gotten out and wandered to the back deck.
Smart Iguana decided it had warmed enough and dove for the water.

We weren’t going to solve all of the invasive wildlife problems today, but we did get a rather excellent meal.

So did the iguana.

Anybody Want A Python?

I woke this morning to the sound of parrots flying overhead.
I nearly stepped on a curly tailed lizard when I took the dog out.
I swatted a whitefly that tried to fly up my nose.

All of those are examples of exotic or invasive species.

Welcome to Florida, Land of Weird Pets.

Weird Pets always escape.  It just takes time.  There are monkeys in the Florida Keys, and Giant Snails in Miami.  It’s the second time for the Giant Snails.  The first time a kid gave two to Grandma back in the 1960s.  Grammy didn’t like the snails so she tossed them in the back yard.  They multiplied and the state of Florida decided to try to eradicate them.  It took around 10 years and many millions of dollars.

I’m actually not the right person to argue about invasives since I have an Orange Wing Amazon Parrot.  His name is Oscar and he lives in a cage that is in the back room right now.  He likes to watch the ring necks that come for their afternoon visits in he shade of the bougainvillea.

But that’s the point.  He actually lives in the back room, right now at any rate.  I may move him to the front room later.  He likes that sort of change. 

He’s not living in the Everglades with another colony of parrots.  I’m not letting him go, I’ve had him since 1986 and got him in Pennsylvania.

Pets do escape, sometimes they’re aided by an open door and a pair or three of hands. 

I’m “not allowed” to go to the dog park here.  My dog wouldn’t like it.  You see irresponsible owners take their unwanted dogs and leave them tied to a fence so some poor fool like me would show up later and make my old dog Lettie jealous.

Can’t really do that with a 17.5 foot long, 164 pound pregnant Burmese Python with 87 eggs in her.  They don’t tie to fences too well.   Someone let this snake go at one point thinking they won’t do any harm.  They’re actually pushing native species closer to extinction.  It is this threat to biodiversity that is the problem.

This one was found with feathers in its stomach that they’re looking at to see what kind of critters they’re eating.  It’s not like you can say, “Hey Mrs Snake can you just eat the invasives?”.  They don’t really know anything other than eat and sit in the sun to warm up.

I have heard rumors that this sort of exotic pet won’t be allowed to be owned in the warmer areas of the state.  North of the I-4 line perhaps.  If that sort of law were in place we wouldn’t have dozens of iguanas living on the docks around the island here and my bougainvillea would be less threatened by hungry green mouths that don’t know how to share. 

If you want to see a picture of the monster snake from Burma, have a look at this story on the BBC here.  In the meantime, I’ll have a look around the yard to see if I have to chase an iguana out of the bushes.

A Cold Day for an Iguana Hunt

The front finally arrived.  We got cold.  Ok, it was cold for us. 


Shivering in the 53F Degree chill, I woke a number of times.  Covering my head to conserve the last bit of warmth one too many times, it was enough.  Get out of bed and begin the morning rituals early.

Sunrise would not be for two hours yet.  The dog was snoring on her mat.  The yellow light of the street lamps were creating dancing patterns of Bougainvillea stems on the wall.

Grabbing the long pants and the leather jacket, it was time for what will probably be the last cold snap of the year.  It was also time to brave that “cold” with the dog.

Funny thing about getting up “early”, things change.

The train whistle that was coming through on its morning run out of Miami to points North was much louder.  There were fewer people out and as a result, you found yourself trusting them less.  The stars were bright, the wind was strong, and the noises were different.

Knowing that the weather was cold, for us, was a change.  When you are used to room temperature outdoors on a cool day, and air conditioning can be needed at any time, wind chill warnings would come up when the temperature was a frigid 45 degrees.

We weren’t quite there yet, and probably would not get there until next winter.   We do get winter, it is all of two weeks long statistically.  My zone won’t freeze but 10 miles North will get frost. 

One of the reasons why it felt so different was that the exotics and invasives were hiding from the weather.  Many of the pets you keep in your home are strictly tropical.  This wasn’t tropical weather, and they’d be stunned by the cold. 

These thoughts went through my mind as I concentrated on keeping the hand that the leash wasn’t held in as warm as possible, and reminding me that I have to put needle and thread to that particular pocket liner.

Walking home, seeing the police cruiser glide back with the officer smoking a cigarette through an open window I realized I wouldn’t find what I was looking for.  No iguanas had rained down from the sky in a stunned stupor.  The incongruousness of a cold day in Florida continued.  

Standing over the sink, eating a curried chicken cutlet on a biscuit, I realized that the excitement of the day wasn’t the death of a reptile, but that my orchids were still in bloom unharmed by the cold.

We will know who you are, gentle visitors, and you will know us.   While we are shivering in dark and heavy clothes, you are enjoying your hard earned time in the sun in shorts and a T Shirt, even if it is too cold for it.

Welcome to Iguana Falls, Florida

How would you like to wake up to one of these prehistoric looking creatures on your pool deck.

Yes, it is cold (for us) today in South Florida.  The Iguanas are now falling from the trees.  When it gets cold, they lose their ability to manage their body temps and out of the trees they fall.  

Last night it was about as cold as it gets.  It hit 42F.  Sure, to someone in Minnesota or Canada, that’s nothing.  When I lived in Philadelphia, this was still fall weather since it’s going to hit 65 today.   But when you live in a house with leaky jalousie windows that are just slats of glass designed to let the breezes flow through in warm weather, you find out just how ineffective the heater is in the house.

There are two schools of thought with “frozen” iguanas.

1) Leave them alone.  Nature will deal with them.  If it is still alive, and some of them just get stunned and later shake it off, it will thaw out and wander away.  Eventually.  If it isn’t alive, the vultures and the buzzards will deal with them and there’s always the neighbor’s cat.  Awww Bandit!  Cute Cat!

2) Send them on to their next life.   Iguanas in South Florida are classified as an Invasive Species. They are basically escaped pets.  Someone had them as pets and they ran off or were set free.  Now we have the 23rd or so generation of these Green Iguanas.  The way the people in this class see it is that it is the same as having packs of dogs or cats running around in the neighborhood.  They can be destructive.  They don’t “Share” your plants, they will devastate them by trying to get enough food. 

If you are in the second school, state law requires you to kill them humanely by freezing them.  Your home freezer would do the job.  Once you have a frozen iguana in the house, consider that many people make a stew out of roasted iguana.  It is a treasured dish in Trinidad and Tobago, although I have neither had the dish nor have I had the pleasure to visit Trini other than by their music.  I’m a great fan of Soca Music but that is a different story.

When I was preparing for this article, I had originally taken the picture at 7AM and thought “this one’s a deader”.  Now at 10 I realized the picture was out of focus so I retook it and here’s the shot up above. 

I was right though, that iguana is stiff as a board and it’s sitting in the sun.  I’ll have to get the shovel and the plastic bag.