Stroke Indicator

I guess with all the dog drama I’ve had lately, I am finding health tips more appealing.

Velma had sent me this “helpful hint” about how to detect a stroke a while back and today is the day.  It reads quickly, and you may just save a life with the information here.

Stroke Indicator

FYI…again, but helpful…

WHETHER YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF “PLEASE SHARE THIS” HEALTH TIP!

Stroke has a new indicator.  It has been said if you email this to 10 people, you stand a chance of saving one life.  Will you send this along?  Blood Clots/Strokes They Now Have a Fourth indicator, The Tongue

STROKE: Remember the 1st Three Letters….S.T.R.

        Stroke Identification:

During A BBQ, a woman stumbled and took a little fall – she assured everyone she was fine (they offered to call paramedics)…she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.  They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food.   While she appeared a little shaken up, Jane went on went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. 

Jane’s husband called later telling everyone that his wife was taken to the hospital. – (at 6pm Jane passed away.)  She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ.  Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Jane would be with us today.  Some don’t die; they end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.  It only takes a minute to read this.

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke…totally.  He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough. 

        Recognizing a Stroke

Thank God for the sense to remember the ‘3’ steps, STR.  Read and learn!
S* Ask the individual to Smile
T* Ask the person to TALK and Speak a Simple Sentence (Coherently)   i.e. Chicken Soup
R* Ask him or here to RAISE BOTH ARMS, if she or he has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New Sign of Stroke —–Stick Out Your Tongue

NOTE: Another ‘sign’ of a stroke is this:  Ask this person to ‘stick’ out his tongue.  If the tongue is ‘crooked’, if it goes to one side or the other, that is also an indication of a stroke. 

Lost – Political Humor

Velma in Philly thought you’d find this amusing.  I did so I’m posting it today!

Subject:  Lost

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her
altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him,

“Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level.  You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct.  But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost.  Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be a Republican.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going.  You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.  You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”

P R I C E L E S S !     P R I C E L E S S !

In case you are curious, that is just south of Mertzon Texas

Uses for Bounce Dryer Sheets

Velma wanted me to file this one under Helpful Hints.   We all have them around or could get them quickly, but on the other hand I will say that I was told the worst place to use a dryer sheet is in the dryer.  The “active ingredient” is turned into a gas by the heat of the dryer.  When it cools, it coats the elements inside the dryer and over the years it will clog the dryer up.

So I’ll say they’re best to use on Someone Else’s Dryer.

Bounce Dryer Sheets

The U.S. Postal service sent out a message to all letter carriers to put a sheet of Bounce in their uniform pockets to keep yellow-jackets away.

Use them all the time when playing baseball and soccer. I use it when I am working outside. It really works. The insects just veer around you. All this time you’ve just been putting Bounce in the dryer!
1. It will chase ants away when you lay a sheet near them. It also repels mice.
2. Spread sheets around foundation areas, or in trailers, or cars that are sitting and it keeps mice from entering your vehicle.
3. It takes the odor out of books and photo albums that don’t get opened too often.
4. It repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop when outdoors during mosquito season.
5. Eliminate static electricity from your television (or computer) screen.
6. Since Bounce is designed to help eliminate static cling, wipe your television screen with a used sheet of Bounce to keep dust from resettling..
7. Dissolve soap scum from shower doors. Clean with a sheet of Bounce.
8. To freshen the air in your home – Place an individual sheet of Bounce in a drawer or hang in the closet.
9. Put Bounce sheet in vacuum cleaner.
10. Prevent thread from tangling. Run a threaded needle through a sheet of Bounce before beginning to sew.
11. Prevent musty suitcases. Place an individual sheet of Bounce inside empty luggage before storing.
12. To freshen the air in your car – Place a sheet of Bounce under the front seat.
13. Clean baked-on foods from a cooking pan. Put a sheet in a pan, fill with water, let sit overnight, and sponge clean. The anti-static agent apparently weakens the bond between the food and the pan.     
14. Eliminate odors in wastebaskets. Place a sheet of Bounce at the bottom of the wastebasket.
15. Collect cat hair. Rubbing the area with a sheet of Bounce will magnetically attract all the loose hairs.
16. Eliminate static electricity from Venetian blinds.. Wipe the blinds with a sheet of Bounce to prevent dust from resettling.
17. Wipe up sawdust from drilling or sand papering. A used sheet of Bounce will collect sawdust like a tack cloth.
18. Eliminate odors in dirty laundry. Place an individual sheet of Bounce at the bottom of a laundry bag or hamper.
19. Deodorize shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet of Bounce in your shoes or sneakers overnight.
20. Golfers put a Bounce sheet in their back pocket to keep the bees away.
21. Put a Bounce sheet in your sleeping bag and tent before folding and storing them. It will keep them smelling fresh.
22. Wet a Bounce sheet, hose down your car, and wipe love bugs off easily with the wet Bounce.
23. Put a sheet of Bounce in your suitcase when traveling, it will help keep mites or any other critters out of it. While you are at it, travel with several Bounce sheets and run them up and down your bed linen before getting into bed, it will cause all the critters already in your bed to run. Keep a sheet in your suitcase even after you have unpacked to protect your suitcases from bugs nesting in it.

Quick, bounce this on within the next 5 minutes! Nothing will happen if you don’t, but your friends will be glad to hear these hints!

The Woman Who Lied – Humor

I’m not completely sure what got in Velma’s head when she sent me this one.  I do know I got a chuckle out of the little story when I read it.

The Woman Who Lied

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.
When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “My dear child, why are you crying?”
The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.
The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.

“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked..
The seamstress replied, “No.” 
The Lord again dipped into the river.
He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies. 

“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked..
Again, the seamstress replied, “No..” 
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. 

“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, “Yes.”The Lord was pleased with the woman’s honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy. 

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.
When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, “Why are you crying?”
“Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!”
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Morris Chestnut. “Is this your husband? The Lord asked. 

“Yes,” cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious.. “You lied! That is an untruth!”
The seamstress replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said “no” to Morris Chestnut, you would have come up with Shemar Moore. 
Then if I said “no” to him, you would have come up with my husband.
Had I then said “yes,” you would have given me all three. Lord, I’m not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT’S why I said “yes” to Morris Chestnut.
And so the Lord let her keep him. 

The moral of this story is:  Whenever a woman lies, it’s for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it. 

Signed, 

All Us Women 

Laughter is like jogging on the inside.  Exercise your ‘innards’ every day.

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

God Created Children – Humor

I’ll admit it, I have a folder in my email just for days like this.  Velma sends me jokes, I chuckle and set them aside for later use.  I had this one around and thought I used it.  Senior moment I guess, because I hadn’t. 

Anyway, perfect weekend to post this.  Right after Halloween, the day before you mess with your clocks to set them back an hour and gain an hour of sleep tomorrow morning even though you will wake up when your body is damn good and ready to and wonder why the shops aren’t open, and simply because it’s Saturday.

GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students… here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was ‘DON’T! ‘

‘Don’t what ?’ Adam replied.
‘Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.’ God said.

‘Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit?  Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit! ‘

‘No Way! ‘
‘Yes way! ‘

‘Do NOT eat the fruit! ‘said God.

‘Why? ‘
‘Because I am your Father and I said so ! ‘
God replied, wondering why He hadn’t stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked !
‘Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit? ‘ God asked.

‘Uh huh,’ Adam replied.

‘Then why did you? ‘ said the Father.

‘I don’t know,’ said Eve.
‘She started it! ‘ Adam said.

‘Did not ! ‘
‘Did too! ‘
‘DID NOT! ‘

Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.  Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you ?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your nursing home one day!

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

‘TAKE TWO ASPIRIN’ AND ‘KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN’!!!!!

Political Donations – So You Know Where YOUR Money Went

Personally, I’m of the opinion that excluding Eisenhower, there hasn’t been a Republican President elected since before the Great Depression that was worthwhile.  That would be Calvin Coolidge.

If you would like to read deeper, you can start with this Wikipedia article.  What surprised me is that they actually found some Presidents ranked lower than Bush 2.

So when I see a list of where corporations are donating their money that they got by reaching into all of our pockets in the forms of higher prices, I pay attention.   Your corporation has a right to donate money and I have a right not to shop there.

At least Southern Wine & Spirits has the right idea splitting money between the parties, and they’re local here in South Florida.

You can thank Velma for this post and the information.

FYI…When you HAVE a choice!

OK just a little FYI . Notice what companies give to political parties of their choice, makes you want to scratch your head I didn’t highlight the companies and you can be surprise or not, but the majority of these companies regardless of who they contributed too affect the poor one way or another.  Kind of ironic Calvin Klein donates to the Democrats and McDonald’s donates to the Republicans. Just sayin’

A dear friend took the time to forward this information to me. Regardless of your political affiliation, as a community of consumers this should be a part of our purchasing decisions. Please share with others. THANKS

Political Donations and where to spend your money?
Political DONATIONS – This gives us something to think about…

Shopping Price Club/Costco donated $225K, 99% went to Democrats

Rite Aid donated $517K, 60% went to Democrats
Magla Products (Stanley tools, Mr. Clean) donated $22K, 100% went to Democrats
Warnaco (undergarments) donated $55K, 73% went to Democrats
Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia donated $153K, 99% went to Democrats
Estee Lauder donated $448K, 95% went to Democrats
Guess, Inc. donated $145K, 98% went to Democrats
Calvin Klein donated $78K, 100% went to Democrats
Liz Claiborne, Inc. donated $34K, 97% went to Democrats
Levi Straus donated $26K, 97% went to Democrats
Olan Mills donated $175K, 99% went to Democrats
WalMart donated $467K, 97% went to Republicans
K-Mart donated $524K, 86% went to Republicans
Home Depot donated $298K, 89% went to Republicans
Target donated $226K, 70% went to Republicans
Circuit City Stores donated $261K, 95% went to Republicans
3M Co. donated $281K, 87% went to Republicans
Hallmark Cards donated $319K, 92% went to Republicans
Amway donated $391K, 100% Republicans
Kohler Co. (plumbing fixtures) donated $283K, 100% Republicans
B.F. Goodrich (tires) donated $215K, 97% went to Republicans
Proctor & Gamble donated $243K, 79% went to Republicans
Spirits

Southern Wine & Spirits donated $213K, 73% went to Democrats
Joseph E. Seagrams & Sons (incl. beverage business + considerable media interests) donated $2M+, 67% went to Democrats
Gallo Winery donated $337K, 95% went to Democrats
Coors & Budweiser donated $174K, 92% went to Republicans
Brown-Forman Corp. (Southern Comfort, Jack Daniels, Bushmills, Korbel wines – as well as Lenox China, Dansk, Gorham Silver)donated $644 K — 80% went to Republicans

Hungry?

Sonic Corporation donated $83K, 98% went to Democrats
Triarc Companies (Arby’s, T.J. Cinnamon’s, Pasta Connections)donated $112K, 96% went to Democrats
Pilgrim’s Pride Corp. (chicken) donated $366K, 100% went to Republicans
Outback Steakhouse donated $641K, 95% went to Republicans
Tricon Global Restaurants (KFC, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell) donated $133K, 87% went to Republicans
Brinker International (Maggiano’s, Brinker Cafe, Chili’s, On the Border, Macaroni Grill, Crazymel’s, Corner Baker, EatZis) donated $242K, 83% went to Republicans
Waffle House donated $279K, 100% went to Republicans
McDonald’s Corp. donated $197K, 86% went to Republicans
Darden Restaurants (Red Lobster, Olive Garden, Smokey Bones, Bahama Breeze) donated $121K, 89% went to Republicans
Heinz Republicans $64,000 Democrats $21,300 !!!!! John Kerry’s wife’s company.
Traveling and/or dining

Hyatt Corporation donated $187K of which 80% went to Democrats
Marriott International $323K, 81% went to Republicans
Holiday Inns donated $38K, 71% went to Republicans

God Enjoys a Good Laugh – Humor

Having read this one that I got over the week from Velma, I got a chuckle.  Ok, so there are some “historical inaccuracies” here and there, but then again it’s humor so it doesn’t have to be perfect.  

So enjoy it like I did!

GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH.
There were 3 good arguments that

Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn’t get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father’s business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Californian:
1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married..
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all – 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was virtually no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do

Can I get an AMEN?

Healthy Heart Hints

Every so often we get these lists of things we should and should not do in order to keep ourselves healthy.  This list is purported to be from a heart specialist in Bangalore India.  Dr Hrudayalaya’s name is all over the net, so perhaps there is some truth to this list.  As always with these things, take from it what you will, I found a grain of truth in most of what was written and nothing struck me as being harmful.

Thanks to Velma go for this list of healthy hints.

Ok, doctors, is this  true?
Because I Care for you…

Dr.Devi  Shetty, Hrudayalaya
(Heart  Specialist)  Bangalore

A chat  with Dr..Devi Shetty, Narayana Hrudayalaya(Heart Specialist)  Bangalore was arranged by WIPRO for its employees The transcript  of the chat is given below.
It is useful for everyone.

Q: What are the thumb rules for a layman to  take care of his heart?
Ans:
1. Diet – Less of carbohydrate, more of  protein, less oil
2. Exercise – Half an hour’s walk, at least  five days a week; avoid lifts and avoid sitting for a  longtime
3. Quit smoking
4. Control weight
5. Control  blood pressure and sugar

Q:  Is eating fish good for the heart ?
Ans: Yes

Q:  It’s still a grave shock to hear that some apparently healthy  person
gets a cardiac arrest. How do we understand it in  perspective?

Ans: This is  called silent attack; that is why we recommend everyone past the  age of 30 to undergo routine health checkups.

Q: Are heart diseases  hereditary?
Ans:  Yes

Q: What are the ways  in which the heart is stressed? What practices do you suggest to  de-stress?
Ans: Change your  attitude towards life. Do not look for perfection in everything in  life.

Q: Is walking  better than jogging or is more intensive exercise required to keep  a healthy heart?
Ans: Walking  is better than jogging since jogging leads to early fatigue and  injury to joints

Q: You  have done so much for the poor and needy. What has inspired you to  do so?
Ans: Mother Theresa , who was my patient..

Q: Can people with low blood pressure suffer heart  diseases?
Ans: Extremely  rare.

Q: Does cholesterol  accumulates right from an early age
(I’m currently only 22) or  do you have to worry about it only after you are above 30 years of  age?
Ans: Cholesterol  accumulates from  childhood.

Q: How do irregular eating habits affect  the heart ?
Ans: You tend to  eat junk food when the habits are irregular and your body’s enzyme  release for digestion gets confused.

Q: How can I control cholesterol content without  using medicines?
Ans: Control  diet, walk and eat walnut.

Q: Which is the best and worst food for the  heart?
Ans: Fruits and vegetables are the best and the  worst is oil.

Q: Which oil is  better – groundnut, sunflower, olive?
Ans: All oils are bad .

Q: What is the routine checkup one  should go through? Is there any specific test?
Ans: Routine blood test to ensure sugar, cholesterol is  ok. Check BP, Treadmill test after an echo.

Q: What are the first aid steps to be  taken on a heart attack?
Ans:  Help the person into a sleeping position , place an aspirin tablet  under the tongue with a sorbitrate tablet if available, and rush  him to a coronary care unit since the maximum casualty takes place  within the first hour..

Q: How do you differentiate between pain caused by  a heart attack and that caused due to gastric trouble?
Ans: Extremely difficult without  ECG.

Q: What is the main  cause of a steep increase in heart problems amongst youngsters? I  see people of about 30-40 yrs of age having heart attacks and  serious heart problems.
Ans:  Increased awareness has increased incidents. Also, sedentary  lifestyles, smoking, junk food, lack of exercise in a country  where people are genetically three times more vulnerable for heart  attacks than Europeans and Americans.

Q: Is it possible for a person to have BP outside  the normal range of 120/80 and yet be perfectly  healthy?
Ans: Yes.

Q: Marriages within close relatives  can lead to heart problems for the child. Is it true?
Ans : Yes, co-sanguinity leads to  congenital abnormalities and you may not have a software engineer  as a child

Q: Many of us  have an irregular daily routine and many a times we have to stay  late nights in office. Does this affect our heart ? What  precautions would you recommend?
Ans : When you are young, nature protects you against  all these irregularities. However, as you grow older, respect  the biological clock.

Q: Will taking anti-hypertensive drugs cause some  other complications (short / long term)?
Ans : Yes, most drugs have some side effects. However,  modern anti-hypertensive drugs are extremely safe.

Q: Will consuming more coffee/tea  lead to heart attacks?
Ans :  No.

Q: Are asthma  patients more prone to heart disease?
Ans : No.

Q:  How would you define junk food?
Ans : Fried food like Kentucky , McDonalds ,  samosas, and even masala dosas.

Q: You mentioned that Indians are three times more  vulnerable. What is the reason for this, as Europeans and  Americans also eat a lot of junk food?
Ans: Every race is vulnerable to some disease and  unfortunately, Indians are vulnerable for the most expensive  disease.

Q: Does  consuming bananas help reduce hypertension?
Ans : No.

Q:  Can a person help himself during a heart attack (Because we see a  lot of forwarded emails on this)?
Ans : Yes. Lie down comfortably and put an aspirin  tablet of any description under the tongue and ask someone to take  you to the nearest coronary care unit without any delay and do not  wait for the ambulance since most of the time, the ambulance does  not turn up.

Q: Do, in  any way, low white blood cells and low hemoglobin count lead to  heart problems?
Ans : No. But  it is ideal to have normal hemoglobin level to increase your  exercise capacity.

Q:  Sometimes, due to the hectic schedule we are not able to exercise.  So, does walking while doing daily chores at home or climbing the  stairs in the house, work as a substitute for  exercise?
Ans : Certainly.  Avoid sitting continuously for more than half an hour and even the  act of getting out of the chair and going to another chair and  sitting helps a lot.

Q:  Is there a relation between heart problems and blood  sugar?
Ans: Yes. A strong  relationship since diabetics are more vulnerable to heart attacks  than non-diabetics.

Qn:  What are the things one needs to take care of after a heart  operation?

Ans : Diet,  exercise, drugs on time , Control cho lesterol, BP,  weight.

Q: Are people  working on night shifts more vulnerable to heart disease when  compared to day shift workers?
Ans : No.

Q:  What are the modern anti-hypertensive drugs?
Ans : There are hundreds of drugs and  your doctor will chose the right combination for your problem, but  my suggestion is to avoid the drugs and go for natural ways of  controlling blood pressure by walk, diet to
reduce weight and  changing attitudes towards lifestyles.

Q: Does dispirin or similar headache pills increase  the risk of heart attacks?
Ans : No.

Q:  Why is the rate of heart attacks more in men than in  women?
Ans : Nature protects  women till the age of 45. (Present Global census show that the  Percentage of heart disease in women has increased than in men  )

Qn: How can one keep  the heart in a good condition?
Ans : Eat a healthy diet, avoid junk food, exercise  everyday, do not smoke and, go for health checkup s if you are  past the age of 30 ( once in six months recommended)  ….

JUST TO  REMIND YOU TO BE MORE CAREFUL

Answer the  phone by LEFT ear

Do not drink  coffee TWICE a day

Do not take  pills with COOL water

Do not have  HUGE meals after 5pm

Reduce the  amount of TEA you consume

Reduce the  amount of OILY food you consume

Drink  more WATER in the morning, less at night

Keep your  distance from hand phone CHARGERS

Do not use  headphones/earphone for LONG period of time

Best sleeping  time is from 10pm at night to 5am in the  morning

Do not lie  down immediately after taking medicine before  sleeping

When cell strength is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the  radiation is 1000 times

The Jamaican Lawyer – Humor

 I’m not quite sure why this would be specifically a “Jamaican Lawyer”, but in the joke’s defence, I can certainly see every Jamaican I’ve ever known using this kind of logic.

Mon.

So stir up some Callaloo and serve it with some Jerked Chicken, here’s a little joke for you!

The Jamaican Lawyer

A Jamaican-born lawyer defending a man in New York accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

“My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb.”

“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to 5 year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.”

The defendant smiled.

With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

…Don’t mess with a Jamaican!

Old Butch

I’m not entirely sure whether to call this a joke or an “allegory”.  Stories like this always have some hidden meanings, and I’m sure you will find one here.   This is definitely a story that has more than one meaning.

You can thank Velma for this chance to think this morning.

Old  Butch

John  was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young  layers (hens), called ‘pullets,’ and ten roosters to fertilize the  eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time,  so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his  roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell  from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could  sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening  to the bells.

John’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very  fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t  rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other  roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the  pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To  John’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t  ring.

He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to  the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him  in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight  sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not  only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Piece Prize,” but they also  awarded him the “Pulletsurprise” as well.

Clearly old Butch  was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could  figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet  by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and  screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.

Vote  carefully this fall, the bells are not always  audible.